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Sabriel.s.h.lover
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 73
b.f.e. aka- Hickville

0 posted 2001-04-19 05:08 PM

This is not me but a friend of mine who's boyfriend left her for some other girl and she asked me to write apoem about it.I don't know why but she did so here it is.Tell me what you think.

With what is left of my shattered world,
I try to live on.
For after you left me,
My world fell apart.
I became a useless wreck,
My body moving mechanically,
While my mind drifted.
You memory will always,
Have a place in my heart.
The spot that will never be filled again.
The spot that I try to fix but always fail.
The spot that you tore out before you left.
The spot that will never heal.....

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

1 posted 2001-04-19 05:12 PM

that one makes me want to cry u described it so well. *hugs*

Rach813
Junior Member

since 2001-04-17

Posts 30
Maine

2 posted 2001-04-19 05:18 PM

This is such a sad but good poem! I hope your friend gets better..I know what she is going through because I had the same thing happen to me!
~Rach~

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-04-19 05:39 PM

Repitition in the end brings the mind to observe "the spot" quite a bit. I think that's what you were trying to do, so mission accomplished.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-04-19 06:31 PM

This was really sad. I liked it though.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-04-19 07:00 PM

This is so sad. *hugs* Email me if you ever want someone to talk to.
I really liked this poem, and it made me almost cry the way your portrayed your feelings. Very nicely done, Sabriel.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-04-19 07:23 PM

You always impress me with the intense emotions you write in your poems. And this is not even about you which makes it more impressive. Keep sharing...please

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Sabriel.s.h.lover
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 73
b.f.e. aka- Hickville

7 posted 2001-04-19 08:20 PM

Thank you all. My friend was very emotional about the breask up , I tried my best to show her feelings. She wasn't holding back the tears either!But I think she'll be ok in a couple of days.

Sabriel

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