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Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

0 posted 2001-04-19 09:20 AM

The title has almost nothing to do with the poem, but I couldnt think of one.

I wrote this at 2 in the morning. I do everything so much better then, if I am still awake. Insomnia results in pretty good poetry sometimes, b/c that is when I wrote most of the ones I have already posted. I think this one is kinda iffy (is that really a word? Well, Im using it anyway), so just tell me what you think.

The waves pull me under
My heart begins to pound
My lungs start to burn
I feel as though I am drowning
Suffocating, dying.
Lifes grip on me is tightening
And with every breath
I loose a little more hope
A little more happiness
A little more faith.
Its hurts more and more
With every blink of my eye
Involuntary movements
Only driving me further away from myself
From the person I once was
That I now miss
More than I ever imagined...

*If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!*

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

1 posted 2001-04-19 12:09 PM

i liked this alot..especially the last 3 lines! i would of broken it up more but thats just me. *hugs* thanx ~'*TifF'*~

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-04-19 12:27 PM

The last line is great, it gives the implication that you have "imagined" before. Does that make sense?

Oh and another thing, you like the word "lose." So learn to spell it.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-04-19 12:27 PM

In fact, you just provoked me to dig up and post something I wrote when I was younger about insomnia... thanks for this!

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

4 posted 2001-04-19 01:10 PM

You've been posting some really great poetry and this is no exception, i like this a lot. i think that if you gave it a little different stucture and broke it into some creative stanzas you could make some of the lines even more power. great job though, keep writing wonderful poetry.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-04-19 03:24 PM

I loved this poem. Very well done.
I write from 1am-5am....I hardly ever write a poem outside of that time zone....no idea why.
Anyhow, you are such a great poet. Looking forward to more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2001-04-19 03:43 PM

This is a pretty good piece. Not the best I've seen from you, but not the worst. Nice job.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

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