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Teen Poetry #4
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Funeral (villanelle)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Funeral (villanelle) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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She lay upon the velvet black I ran my fingers o'er her skin I kissed her, she did not kiss back Her eyes were wide, with cold attack The powder lining her was thin She lay upon the velvet black One hatred, just a love to lack One loss, beginning, setting in I kissed her, she did not kiss back A light escaped the casket's crack Revealing, swift, the love within She lay upon the velvet black It put my mind back on its track Reminding where she'd always been I kissed her, she did not kiss back I placed our love upon a plaque And placed her ashes in a tin She lay upon the velvet black I kissed her, she did not kiss back |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Wow Allan, this is a dark, powerful, awesome write! I know how difficult villanelles can be, and for a young person, you impress me! Excellent use of metaphors and phrases, the last verse blew me away. You should be very proud of this piece. Into my library this goes. Okay, that's enough for your ego for now  Take care, Melissa~ |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
its kinda different from what i've seen from you but its dark which i like  but yea...this poem was pretty sad hope this didn't happen to you and if it has hope you be strong and be able to overcome...great job on the poem. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
yes it is i, returning once again to throw large quantities of praise in your general direction. excellent, excellent work. i really liked the mood of this and the ending was great. you always write beautiful poems that end up in my library, so don't ever stop. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Great job allan, this was a great one. I really enjoyed this.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Wow what a powerful poem. Keep on writing! Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Wow, Allan.. you did it again! You've written another amazing and beautiful poem! I like the whole tone of this one. It's dark, and the ending was excellent! VERY nice work, yet again. Another poem of yours that is going right into the library.. Excellent work. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 04-15-2001).] |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
I told ya so. Powerful stuff you got here, Mister Riverwood....~Carly There are pleasures in poetic pains that only poets know......~Unknown |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
*Closes her eyes* Wow..that was just I don't know, I could visualize it all so we both know that is my way of saying it was awesome =) Your work never ceases to amaze me and I'm not sure if I can ever say that enough... "Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night" ~Crash and Burn~ [This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (edited 04-15-2001).] |
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