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Teen Poetry #4
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UnPumpkin
Junior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 18


0 posted 2001-03-26 11:15 PM


Walking on air I ascended, rolling over and taking on
The watery placenta-new of a shining orb.
And all the dreams of all the babes who die before their time cried out to be given strength and merit.
My feelings descended to a comfortable sin-black as i blocked them out, knowing only the here and now and the realization of the power to save,
And the conscious choice to ignore.

And i looked up to the sky, and cried aloud.
I SCREAMED out the name i had known from birth
Bursting forth like a painful secret
And i felt myself slip away into
The cranberry red and blood-deep burgundy wine
Of forgetting.

I BURNED and tore at the shards of all i had known
All that i had allowed to perfume, to become, to fill and pervade and consume the me that i had been.
I tore away the superimposition of that which dragged me away
To where i was smoothed and soft-spoken and warm...
And it BURNED and flowed and peeled around,
The lava of my veins and the fire which became the eyes with which i saw all and knew more,

I tore away and became what i feared most.
Raw, vulnerable, emptied.
Alone.

(most of my poems are dedicated to a friend or enemy. This one's for matt.)

© Copyright 2001 UnPumpkin - All Rights Reserved
emptyness
Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 95
mobile,Ala,USA
1 posted 2001-03-26 11:18 PM


i told you i liked this one i just hope matt can read it someday

"Cogito ergo sum"-I think, therefore I exist
"Optimi consiliarii mortui"-learn from the past
"Otia dant vitia"-the devil finds work for idle hands

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
2 posted 2001-03-27 01:08 PM


This was pretty good.  I think you should have put the all-caps words in bold instead.  Just check out "html help" at the bottom of the screen.
But other than that, you did a nice job.  
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort


Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2001-03-27 03:26 PM


Nicely done here. I liked the way you wrote it, but I've seen better from you. Anyhow, hope to see more soon!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
4 posted 2001-03-28 04:50 PM


This is good.. not your best, but not your worst.  Nice job.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Child of the Stars
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
5 posted 2001-03-30 12:41 PM


  I dunno bout everyone else, but I think this was pretty dang amazin.. Leave em in caps, I like em dat way. Very nice work, UnPumpkin.

Many miles behind my eyelashes, there always seems to be
the strangest things, the slightly sane, that only I can see...

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
6 posted 2001-03-30 01:01 PM


I thought that this was great poem, definetely something to be proud of.  Keep up the good work.
Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-04-04 06:23 PM


That was amazing, and I'm well more than impressed with your way with words.  keep sharing my friend.  Let's not waste that talent  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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