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fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

0 posted 2001-03-18 09:38 PM

Be ready, I'm going to try something radically different

-----------------------------------
Falling Down

Whoosh
A breeze blows by my back
A community of larks
Sing of their convenient nack
So high
I want to fly
From this cliffside I soar
I fly
So free
Believe in me

Now f
a
l
l
i
n
g

Crash.
The earth now so close
Not the dove said I
Cursed to the ground not to fly
Let the larks sing their melancholy praise
In the end who shall He raise?
Those whose sky is adornment
Or those on the ground in torment
I was not meant to fly
I weep as I plod looking up
At the stars too high.
-----------------------------
Like I said, it's purely experimental.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

1 posted 2001-03-19 10:59 AM

A nice experimentation however not your best piece.
Keep on coming with those experiments though. There's nothing more interesting than seeing someone try out a new style.

~AF~

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."
-W. Edwards Deming

Elvenblood
Member

since 2001-02-17

Posts 409
Maine, USA

2 posted 2001-03-19 04:42 PM

I happen to like this poem, although some people would see it as suicidal (damn you Allan), but that's ok, it seems to have a lot of symbolism and a lot of depth.

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-03-19 06:25 PM

Very very well done here. I liked this poem a lot.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

4 posted 2001-03-19 06:50 PM

Hey,

This was not that bad. I really did not really care to much for the new form but with some work I could be good. Keep up the good work until next poem

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-03-20 01:43 PM

I didn't really care for this style as much as your other work. GOod job, though, and keep being creative.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-03-20 10:23 PM

Naw, I didn't like it much either. Experiments are fun though... and a neat look into another poet's true nature.
Keep stirring up those test tubes.

~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

StarPryncess17
Senior Member

since 2000-05-31

Posts 932
Colorado

7 posted 2001-03-20 10:28 PM

I can fly....are you jealous?!?!

anyways, it's good to experiment....nothing gets invented without lots of experimenting to perfection first!

best wishes ~*~Jesilyn~*~

"Tell me why you cry"

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

8 posted 2001-03-27 11:11 PM

experimental or not, you did really good

"Let the larks sing their melancholy praise
In the end who shall He raise?"

beautiful lines

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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