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Teen Poetry #4
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Last Year
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Last Year |
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ethel lahootie Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143SC, USA |
~you guys this isnt that great but i thought id show bel what happens if i try to write stuff from life experience~ Last year was different I remember that night That night that you could’ve possibly liked me Earlier you had asked me who I liked I tossed my hair from side to side, as I normally do You thought I was nervous to answer You always did think too much, or, Maybe not enough But either way I had fallen and hit rock bottom for you Last year was so different I remember you were about to leave We were saying our weekly goodbyes You hugged me goodbye and that moment seemed to last forever Afterwards, my friend told me that you had “that look” on your face “That look” meaning the one that looked like you were floating I didn’t believe her, well ok, I kind of did Because that night you had hugged me in a different way But of course you never did act on your feelings, if there were any to begin with, But that was better than what we have now, Which is nothing, Because last year was different "i remember running through the wet grass falling a step behind both of us never tiring desperatly wanting" ~better than ezra...desperatly wanting |
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| © Copyright 2001 ethel lahootie - All Rights Reserved | |||
branden726 
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Hey FreeVerse is always great, you see just because it doesnt have a rhyme scheme or anything doesnt mean it doesnt make sense i think it makes perfect sense and i love your feelings and plz keep posting whether it has rhyme or not. Nice job! |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I like this. It's not in a strict style, but it doesn't have to be. Good job of expressing your feelings, the poem told this story well  "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" "Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it." BothUnknown |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Sure, it told the story well. But I see your point, this really doesn't hold a candle to your other work. Writing in a scenario that is not from reality is just a sign of creativity. Don't let it sway you. I often write about things that have never happened to me. Perhaps experience is a double-edged sword.... which can serve to taint the facts with personal bias. Am I making my point clear?  I can't wait to read more. ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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ethel lahootie Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143SC, USA |
yah yah yah i know i know...i get it  hehe but seriously thanks  ...i know it didnt hardly compare to my other stuff..hah! yeah well, thanks for replying guys!! ~ETHEL~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Actually it showed me how you freely think and I think I'm in love.....haha no well, still........i like you. I think yer really cool. I thought that this poem expressed quite a bit. Maybe it doesn't cradle your talent as well as your other poems do, but I thought it showed a different side to YOU, and I like that. Great job and I'm eagerly awaiting more.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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ethel lahootie Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143SC, USA |
awwwwww thanks dopey! hehe! im glad you think like you do...if that makes sense...thanks for taking the time~ETHEL~  |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Wow...wow. Geez girl! That was really good, I liked it. And you've impressed Dopey!! Congrats, that's something I have yet to do...*sigh*  . Good job chica Bel Btw, nice signature. "And you're my obsession I love you to the bones And Ana wrecks your life Like an anorexia life" - "Ana's Song", Silverchair |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I see you'er trying free verse It's not as easy as everyone thinks it to be it's easy to just write it, but it's not easy to write it good you did a pretty good job though and with your talent, you'll be amazing with it keep doing it, and i'll keep reading "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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