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Open Poetry #12
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kcsgrandma
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME

0 posted 2001-01-24 01:20 AM


If You Should Go


If you should go, would I forget to breathe?
Most likely not, although each breath brought pain.
It's possible, although I can't believe,
That one day I would learn to smile again.
You do not want it said you are my life.
I feel you are, but will not tell you so.
I wouldn't want to cause you any strife.
My tears may flow, but I won't let you know.

Instead, I'll tell you of the joy you bring,
A sweet assurance I have never known.
You care, and winter's chill is turned to spring.
Though you might leave, I'll never be alone.
If separated from you I should be,
I'd live because you are a part of me.



© Copyright 2001 Marilyn Gordon - All Rights Reserved
Mr.Magoo
Member
since 2001-01-20
Posts 104

1 posted 2001-01-24 04:18 AM


Very Nice poem Mam.
How true it is that loved ones no matter how distant, they are always with us in our hearts as well as our thoughts.
Once again Very Nicely written.
                       Mr.Magoo

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2001-01-24 06:34 AM


Hey Grandma, good to see you in Open, although I do enjoy visiting you in the Corner Pub! This...is very nice!...
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
3 posted 2001-01-24 07:58 AM


If separated from you I should be,
I'd live because you are a part of me.


brings tears to my eyes this morning..very lovely  sonnet

~Wynter


"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II



hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
4 posted 2001-01-24 09:39 AM


Excellent sonnet...they happen to be a favorite of mine  
Victoria
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869

5 posted 2001-01-24 10:37 AM


lovely write kcsgrandma HUGS..enjoyed

                  ~V~


A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
- Paul Valery (1871-1945)



dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
6 posted 2001-01-25 12:51 PM


oh mar..that first line..catches my breath...

and this:
"Though you might leave, I'll never be alone.
If separated from you I should be,
I'd live because you are a part of me."

wow...  

great write mar..i love this..  

hugs, g


"...beyond the door, theres peace i'm sure...and i know there'll be no more tears in heaven..." clapton

kcsgrandma
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME
7 posted 2001-01-25 12:53 PM


Mr. Magoo - Thank you kindly, Sir.  Yes, those we love always leave little bits of themselves with us.

Sunshine - Thanks!   I was kind of scared to venture out into the big Open world, but dg talked me into it.  Nice to see you anywhere.


Wynter - Thank you for sharing about the tears.  I am touched.  

Hoot Owl - Thank you.  I have discovered I enjoy writing in this form.  

Victoria - Thank you!  HUGS back to you!

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Les Miserables

Marilyn

kcsgrandma
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME
8 posted 2001-01-25 12:55 PM


Hey, Gale!  You sneaked in on me.  Thanks for the wow.     That first line was really the basis for the whole sonnet.  I thought of it, and had to finish the thought.  Thanks for reading.  hugs

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Les Miserables

Marilyn

David2
Member
since 2000-03-22
Posts 407

9 posted 2001-01-25 01:58 PM


Thank you for a well written sonnet.I enjoyed reading it as of course sonnets are one of my favorite forms. This was well done.
             David2

BloomingRose
Member Elite
since 2000-08-09
Posts 3092
Florida
10 posted 2001-01-25 02:52 PM


I like the sentiment in this one. Very nicely written.
Deb  

Songbird
Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184
Missouri
11 posted 2001-01-25 04:11 PM


Enjoyed this very much, I have never written a sonnet, you make me want to try my hand at it. You do  it so well, using  everyday words that make so much sense.
kcsgrandma
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME
12 posted 2001-01-26 12:25 PM


David2 - Thank you for reading, and for saying it was well-written.  

Deb - Thank you.     Guess I'm just a sentimental gal.

Songbird - Thank you.  I hope you do try it.  And thank you for the compliment about the language.  Big words are fun, but you don't usually use them when speaking to your loved ones, and that is what I am doing here.  

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Les Miserables

Marilyn

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
13 posted 2001-01-26 08:50 PM


kcs,
welcome to the big OPEN world...

i ditto dg..i liked the first line lots
i ditto songbird...i never thought sonnets can be written in such a simple manner...still suffering from the effects from attempting to unravel Shakespeare's sonnets..sigh..may i ask for directions as to
how to write a sonnet?will love to try this form...

stay a while while you are here, okay

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

14 posted 2001-01-26 09:04 PM


Beautiful sonnet, Marilyn! Absolutely beautiful!

Denise

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
15 posted 2001-01-26 09:09 PM


grandma, this is what's known as a PERFECT sonnet, every syllable, every line...perfect. What a beautiful thing to read...thank you!
catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
16 posted 2001-01-26 09:31 PM


Love is so sweet and sad at once, isn't it? This is a very lovely poem. I enjoyed it and related to it.
Sandra

kcsgrandma
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME
17 posted 2001-01-27 01:56 AM


Kaile - Thank you, my friend.     It is not quite so scary as I imagined, though the Pub is awfully cozy!  I will e-mail you some information about sonnets tomorrow, but I'll warn you, they can become addictive.  

Denise - Thank you.

Balladeer -   Wow!  Perfect?  That sure is nice to hear.  Thanks for the kind words.

Sandra - Thank you.  Yes, love often does bring mixed emotions.  I'm glad you enjoyed.

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Les Miserables

Marilyn

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