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PoeticKnight
Senior Member

since 2000-01-20

Posts 1144
New Orleans, LA

0 posted 2001-03-16 10:48 AM

I want to touch the immortal water
With all that I am, and these mortal hands
I see beauty in all that is nature
Wrap myself to sleep, this drowning man
The waves calling softly I hear my name
Ever increasing, cascading noise
Pulling me to the windswept shore to see,
Myself, in unacquainted poise
Much like outer space this is,
Dreams of what lies so far down below
Makes me yearn for rest in its arms,
In deeper and deeper shades of shadow
Yet, for one time only would I dare
To immerse myself in this way
For time, cruel time, has no mercy,
And remembers not how drowned I am today

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-03-16 10:51 AM

You made me feel every word.............I love this

SEA

PoeticKnight
Senior Member

since 2000-01-20

Posts 1144
New Orleans, LA

2 posted 2001-03-16 11:58 AM

And SEA, you made me grateful for creating every single word...sincere thanks.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

3 posted 2001-03-16 12:22 PM

I want to touch the immortal water
With all that I am, and these mortal hands
I see beauty in all that is nature
Wrap myself to sleep, this drowning man
===================
Myself, in unacquainted poise
Much like outer space this is,
Dreams of what lies so far down below
Makes me yearn for rest in its arms,
In deeper and deeper shades of shadow
Yet, for one time only would I dare
To immerse myself in this way
For time, cruel time, has no mercy,
And remembers not how drowned I am today
================

this is one of my favs ...
for the depth of thought and expression...
(always diggin that poetic mind of yours) *L*
excellent use of metaphor here...of both time and water and the comparison and contrasts to man and day to life, pressure, and our desire to not be held to time..
as well as our being aware nature is still in control.

especially liked and felt these lines ...

"I want to touch the immortal water
With all that I am, and these mortal hands

Wrap myself to sleep, this drowning man

Makes me yearn for rest in its arms,
In deeper and deeper shades of shadow

Yet, for one time only would I dare
To immerse myself in this way

For time, cruel time, has no mercy,
And remembers not how drowned I am today"

very cool PK...
enjoyed being immersed in the depths of your words *S*

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

4 posted 2001-03-16 12:51 PM

Powerfully woven...the reader can feel the weight of the water pressing down, attempting drown and the fatigue that plies one into relenting to its pressure. Yet, PK, I pray you do not, more that you find the living part of water and thrive.

OLIAS
Senior Member

since 2000-06-20

Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa

5 posted 2001-03-16 12:57 PM

Yes, I enjoyed this very much great use of images and emotion, thank you for sharing it.

Regards,
Olias.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

6 posted 2001-03-16 02:21 PM

This....is very fluid, and makes me feel as I can breath, submersed....

well done!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

7 posted 2001-03-16 02:41 PM

Incredible...very surreal and vivid. (you don't happen to have a cold, do ya?

)

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