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Open Poetry #12
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It Was A Wednesday
| Open Poetry #12 |
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It Was A Wednesday |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396
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It Was A Wednesday My head ached from the rattling of thoughts (all packaged in dull brown boxes) as I walked. It was a Wednesday, clouds hovering, smuggling snow across this land. So full (of itself) and ready to explode. I walked there, underneath the overstuffed sky, bleeding invisible, breathing decreased. Through puddles of snow days old now, these dirty grays, these dingy, gritty brown stains hiding the purity once viewed. It shouldn't matter that my feet were soaked or that it was seventeen degrees and three a.m. I was sweating in every swing, my eyes were wet. I was were I wanted to be. I passed by hours and through empty streets, by tangled vines squirming to attach themselves to the ankles I hold shy. I could smell the evil lurking. I could feel the death in trees, whispering threats, attempting to disassemble the pieces of me. I remember my scarf, all orange, wrapped tightly, white breath seeping, the scent of yesterday in the fabric, the thought of time in an airplane too far away and back again. I dangled dizzy from trees bare and dug my fingers into a patch of hard packed ice cold dirt, it was earth, alive. I filled my nails with the stuff and kept on going. I think I cursed at every street lamp for they only illuminated my waste. I've come to hate those things. But it was a Wednesday and I saw it from the very beginning. In fact,...it was mine. |
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| © Copyright 2001 SpitFire - All Rights Reserved | |||
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zoe Junior Member
since 2001-02-05
Posts 34 |
ok this packs a punch.....the images, the feelings.....whew.....I have a circle drive, so I don't go out into the evil, but 3 am has seen my footsteps plenty of times...this is powerfully packed with emotions... |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
IT's very impressive! Now, since you encourage criitique may I offer that I noticed immediately the number of times "I" was used. It seemed to shout out at me. The other thing, and not all hold to this view, is I believe writing in the "present" tense brings the Reader into a piece more. I realize the action may have already happened, but they feel they are more a part of it. example: "It is a Wednesday" and you get the idea.  But this is a detailed, well done work! "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey." Laurie Lee [This message has been edited by Kathleen (edited 02-15-2001).] |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I have to agrre with the above comments....this is an indepth work and it's well done!! |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Spitzie, I've been reading this one over and over, and I keep getting different things out of it, which is good....me likes multi-faceted writing. Speaker could be relating frustration at moving/being evicted. Speaker could be railing against a horrible Stupid Cupid Day. Speaker could be identifying with a city, once pristine, now fallen to decay. Speaker could just be sick and tired of snow. And those are just the ones I got after 5 reads....... Good one, coming from a Wednesday's child. Alicat “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Hey there, this is awesome. I have been gone awhile, too tired to write. I have to read this again later, it said so many things. (I hate that brown dirty snow, too, by the way..) Peace Sandra |
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insect Senior Member
since 2000-04-22
Posts 1014 |
I’m pretty sure it was Tuesday Remember what happened on Monday Because Sunday you were…well I won’t say in here but.. Saturday was the day before this happened and Friday well…. we just want to forget about Friday so Thursday was the day after Wednesday and if it didn’t happen on…. no!…no!…your write it was a Wednesday!! What was I thinking!! |
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