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Open Poetry #12
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PoeticKnight
Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144
New Orleans, LA

0 posted 2001-02-09 06:01 PM


Somewhere in the night
Someone will cry
Waiting for love to die

Neon lights won’t illuminate
Darkened streets where aimless souls,
Masses of flesh await
Filling little vacant holes
That won’t satiate

Shiny diamonds of dirty glass
Sparkle once, and once only
Fading in twilight fast
A little lost and lonely,
But too bright to last

So much given away too soon
Can never be retrieved
Where once begged for highest noon,
Now all are grieved
With a fainting swoon

Somewhere in the night
Someone did cry
Waiting for love to die


© Copyright 2001 J.M. Landry - All Rights Reserved
Moon Dust
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Member Elite
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK
1 posted 2001-02-09 06:07 PM


this is sad, but I like it.

~Maria~


JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
2 posted 2001-02-09 06:23 PM


Are you talking about me?   James
doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
3 posted 2001-02-09 11:06 PM


damn!!! great lines here --

"So much given away too soon
Can never be retrieved
Where once begged for highest noon,
Now all are grieved
With a fainting swoon"

ain't it the truth? love can do that, y'know? well, i guess you do! you wrote it! LOL

thanks for the read... very well done


you want to be a writer, don't know how or when, find a quiet place, use a humble pen-paul simon



Sven
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Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
4 posted 2001-02-09 11:25 PM


this is excellent. . . really well done. . .

---------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
5 posted 2001-02-09 11:34 PM


this feels so sad.........................well written   -SEA
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
6 posted 2001-02-09 11:35 PM


Oh...this I like very much!
CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

7 posted 2001-02-09 11:37 PM


Excellent writing here PK...
Very intense and captivating read...
I enjoyed this very much and I thank you...
~coco~

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

8 posted 2001-02-10 10:27 AM


Neon lights won’t illuminate
Darkened streets where aimless souls,
Masses of flesh await
Filling little vacant holes
That won’t satiate

Shiny diamonds of dirty glass
Sparkle once, and once only
Fading in twilight fast
A little lost and lonely,
But too bright to last

So much given away too soon
Can never be retrieved
Where once begged for highest noon,
Now all are grieved
With a fainting swoon
========================

excellent use of unique imagery and metaphor
to accent and express the emotion.
I remember this gem well.

"Shiny diamonds of dirty glass
Sparkle once, and once only
Fading in twilight fast
A little lost and lonely,
But too bright to last"

very very cool imagery and use of extended metaphor...
and the title... way cool  


Heaven bound on wings of love,
there's so much that you can rise above.
I surrender heart and soul,
sacrificed to a higher goal.
~DepechMode~

A Whisper's Caress
Senior Member
since 2000-11-03
Posts 791
on the horizon of a fairytale
9 posted 2001-02-10 12:05 PM


very beautiful.
tenderly sad.
not overdone. I liked it  


May your dreams always dance to the rhythm of a lover's heartbeat...

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
10 posted 2001-02-10 01:51 PM


JM said it best...I will only say that I was quite touched by the lost feelings you imparted...

thank you...

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
11 posted 2001-02-11 01:06 PM


More true words have never been spoken and you spoke them brilliantly.  I loved the images that lifted from the page in this one and as a couple of others have said.....way cool use of metaphors.  Brilliant writing.

If you find yourself stranded in a storm
...then reach for my hand and we will play in the puddles together

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

12 posted 2001-02-11 09:28 PM


very sad, but beautiful flow and great construct...I look forward to more!
PoeticKnight
Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144
New Orleans, LA
13 posted 2001-02-12 09:34 AM


I'm so glad this one seemed to strike people a certain way. It came from a very fertile and personal part of my mind.
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