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Open Poetry #11
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Reality Check
| Open Poetry #11 |
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Reality Check |
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athena4 Senior Member
since 2000-12-10
Posts 622 |
Reality Check Holding on to my drink, I sit in the crowded restaurant. Among friends, among laughter ...but really alone. Your face appears in the candlelight, like a mirror reflection in my eyes. Your memory surrounds me as I search through the ruins of yesterday, remembering where our fantasies had fallen. Tears rain down in stinging droplets. Remembering your touch crashes like thunder in my mind. Reminded by the coldness of the glass in my hand, I am transported back to reality. I turn towards the door, and there's your familiar statue, shining like marble on a fountain. "He's here!!", I thought to myself. As my soul blossomed like flowers growing wild, I watched you standing in the doorway, and my world stopped. A moment went by, and the portrait that stood before me suddenly lost all its beauty. For it wasn't the same. I was alone. You were not. ..."Waiter, reality check, please". |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
that was awesome. i mean i knew something was coming at the end, but the ending really bashed me with suprise (along with the character i would suppose...) very well done. i really dig this one. You don't hear much about guys who take their shot and miss... |
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athena4 Senior Member
since 2000-12-10
Posts 622 |
Ethan, Thank you so much. I'm glad the end did it for you. I like to have a powerful ending in my writing. I just wish the outcome in reality would have been different. Thanks again... Much love, Elise |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
*sigh* ok athena, you've been reading my diary haven't you??? this is perfect. . . just what I've been feeling these days. . . -------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
excellent! *applauding* |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Aw, life as seen through the poets eyes what a wonderful drift this is...ya caught me with it for sure.......ethome |
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Cassandra Junior Member
since 2000-12-16
Posts 48Charlotte, North Carolina, USA |
Awesome! The ending was awesome!!  I really enjoyed this. Sadly, I can't count how many times I've been in situations that are similiar to this in many ways  Excellent writing! Can't wait to see more! --Cassandra |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
The last line was indeed the clincher...well done!... Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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athena4 Senior Member
since 2000-12-10
Posts 622 |
Sven, If your diary is like mine, then yes, I must have been sneaking a peek! Thanks for the sweet reply. Much love, Elise |
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athena4 Senior Member
since 2000-12-10
Posts 622 |
Passing Shadows, Thanks for the kind words. Elise |
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athena4 Senior Member
since 2000-12-10
Posts 622 |
Ethome, Poet's eyes see what others don't, but you already know that! Thanks. Elise |
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athena4 Senior Member
since 2000-12-10
Posts 622 |
Cassandra, Thanks for the great review. Glad you liked the ending. Elise |
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athena4 Senior Member
since 2000-12-10
Posts 622 |
Sunshine, Thank you. Unfortunately, the last line in that relationship was the "last line". I guess that's why it had to be so powerful. Much love, Elise |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
You are right, I love this one! It reminds me of my older one called "Happy Hour" Reality check, ha, I guess we always need them sometimes, even if they aren't really wanted. S |
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