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A Feel Inside My Heart...for Dad
| Open Poetry #11 |
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A Feel Inside My Heart...for Dad |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines 
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A Feel Inside My Heart Dad you are not just a memory But are a feel inside my heart. I try at times to recall of the first But all are a puzzle, or of a part. Photos lined, upon the upright grand. Me in your arms, blonde and just "one" Too young to know how special you were, Until life, shared between us was over, was "done". I must have meant more than I thought I did. My siblings (all four) tease me each time, Your birthday or holidays come rolling around They are very quick to speak up, to remind. There were times that I knew, times I could tell But you were my "special" when grown. No one can know of the loss I have felt When you left me, without warning, alone. But Dad I can tell you, you've brought out in me A hidden, words deep, from the past. Emotions ran high since the day you had left And escape, sometimes flowing quite fast. The happy in me that was then, all my life Has been trying to show it's face. But the hurts that keep rising, cause cloaking of them Just the cold, now fills up empty space. The memories of childhood are few, far between. Five children, two adopted, taken away Was the time for sharing and giving When working two jobs, for our stay. But you always provided, shelter and clothes and food, life's necessities. Just wish there was more, I could have sheltered for you When you were hit with that awful disease. I will stop now because this is sadder than sad And I'll leave with a repost below... But first a new poem, just written for you A few words, I've been challenged you know. D on't fret Dad, don't worry A nd please know I'm trying D ays end, as new ones begin. D on't know what the morrow's of Y esterday's dreams, will send me .................to heal me within. Splashing of the Waves (My Favorite Memories) Wearily, I take that hot soaking bath, closing my eyes. No way to dismiss the flashings in my mind today ... memories of my past. I am at the ocean's edge, hand in hand with him, idolizing this man, who is splashing the waves with me ... who catches me, as the sand that has been oozing under and between my toes is being washed away, leaving me unbalanced, falling into the salty waters, as the tide rolls in and washes the shore. He catches me, just as I am about to go under, and I look up at his blue adoring eyes and feel the hero that he is. I see him as clearly, as if he is standing next to me now, as if he had never left my side, never left me here, alone ... My eyes flutter ... opening and then closing again, as I breathe in the vanilla scented mist from the bath and continue on my journey of the past ... Just he and I, we, on a trip with others to the east coast gambling palace in Atlantic City. Another shore, another memory ... Chink, chink, ringing bells, one armed bandits holding everyone up, but not him ... WIN! WIN! WIN! and me cupping my small hands to catch the shine that overflowed from the look in his eyes and from the machine's emptying out their treasures to me. Sent me to cash in for paper, in exchange for those beautiful silver disks ... stuffed away in hiding, as he continued his play, not wishing to leave this new love, the one that has replaced me for the day. Luck was on his side, never has been on mine, although lucky I was to have been born of him. When his first love had expended all she had to give and emptied her heart, attendents rushed to her aid. He then turned and remembered me. Smiling that knowing trusting smile, he whispers and pleads with his eyes, "I have only won $250 ... the rest is our little secret." "Yes" my soft smile returned in answer. Another one of our little secrets, still in my mind, still in my heart ... No longer can I share in these or see the pleasure in his eyes or hear the whispers of his secrets, but for the flashing in my mind, of these memories of my past ... Eyes fluttering once again, this time, I open and am in the clouds. Once again ... that flight home, me hugging the window, staring, wishing, dreaming, pleading ... and there he is, waving to me, or so I envisioned. It was one month to the day, and a long, hard two weeks, thereafter. Helping, struggling and not understanding why I wasn't given the time and the chance to say goodbye. Leaving her alone, (Mom) having settled her in a new life of aloneness and me ... just wanting one last look, one last kiss on the forehead, one final hug of "see you next time" ... knowing I am never to see, never to feel, never to smell the familiar scent of his aftershave, or to hold his hand, as I once did, as that child walking along the beach, sharing with him the splashing of the waves. Dad, you are not just a memory, but are a feel inside my heart at all times ... You are loved and missed this Christmas season and day of your birth... ~Wynter < !signature--> "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II [This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (edited 12-16-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Wynter Bliss - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Oh Wynter ... you've got my heart just absolutely aching with these tender and loving remembrances. Beautifully written ... Best wishes and hugs, /Kit |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
thank you Kit, my Dad and his twin's birthday would be this week...just a bit of remembering... ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
the holidays are always so sad for many.. who have lost loved ones or afar from loved ones ...more than anytime of year Christmas is the saddest..i remember reading the one about the beach before...very nice memories they were hon..HUGS ~Victoria~< !signature--> A poem is never finished, only abandoned. - Paul Valery (1871-1945) [This message has been edited by Victoria (edited 12-16-2000).] |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Thanks ~V~, I don't think I could improve on that memory, so I left it as I wrote it last year..*s and huggzz ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Very tender thoughts from your heart and memory...James |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
wynter..this is so heartfelt..sometimes hard to put into words the love and the aches closest to your heart..youve done a fine job of it  i miss my daddy too..i can sympathize... hugs, fallen |
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