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Open Poetry #10
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The Rapture of Sky
| Open Poetry #10 |
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The Rapture of Sky |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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The Rapture of Sky I write to the rapture of sky to the storm descending from a vault that rips with tension and sears my heart like a violin for I can take my fingernail and trail it across that slate until all my fine hairs tear. I see the end of calm in the tortured trees holding all their crimson leaves as the wind teases then shears the fragile flutter into fly and then the sky spits on the sidewalk in great loud plops it scorns the dainty rose that raises her velvet slipper into the waning light for it touches her core with chilled liquor. I am waiting for the thrill as the minutes clap and the feeling pushes open and bright that beguiles all around with magic light and transforms the silent rose into a jewel I have been waiting through the season’s grace for this power that pushes magic strength for I am a junky waiting again for deliverance as I embrace the cold air and fire flashes across the sky splitting the dark blanket of clouds where I climb and find the first star of chaos born in dreadful wonder and watch the tortured movement of minutes hanging and when the sky explodes and the light and sound crash through me I am released from the shudder that held me into the afterglow of a perfect cerise sunset. [This message has been edited by Martie (edited 11-09-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
That is definitely "The Rapture Of Sky" very appropriate adjectives and metaphors to describe the same....beautiful virtuality to me just wish that I could have been there to watch it with you...you know since we're singing in the same group now...I don't know what to call you and JM Serenity and Butterflies..."The Blue Moons"?????? |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Martie~ Would this sound GREAT as the evening weather report or what ? 'I see the end of calm in the tortured trees holding all their crimson leaves as the wind teases then shears the fragile flutter into fly and then the sky spits on the sidewalk in great loud plops it scorns the dainty rose that raises her velvet slipper into the waning light for it touches her core with chilled liquor.' Could you imagine the ratings ??? SOARING ! Off the charts ! I think we're on to something here ! I'll have the agent call you.  You positively KNOW I love this ... nobody - but nobody - does it like you !  Love ya' ... ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ethome--I wish you could have seen it too...and thanks for including me as one of your back-ups...I love to sing...and "The Blue Moons" sounds wonderful...let me know when to come practice.. Marge--I've always wanted to be a weather girl...and by the way...you are awesome@ |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I have been waiting through the season’s grace for this power that pushes magic strength for I am a junky waiting again for deliverance as I embrace the cold air and fire flashes across the sky splitting the dark blanket of clouds where I climb and find the first star of chaos born in dreadful wonder and watch the tortured movement of minutes hanging and when the sky explodes and the light and sound crash through me I am released from the shudder that held me into the afterglow of a perfect cerise sunset. ==================== and the rest of us just see the sky... until we read you that is... my goodness Martie..... this is so amazing in it detail, its imagery, its metaphors.. but most of all in its expression of emotions... building up to the creshendo.. exceptional poetry my dear... thank you for the visions this one painted in my mind love ya sweet poet me |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Thanks Janet for looking at the sky with me...I guess there is something about a storm that for me, is more then a storm. |
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Robert Joseph Member
since 2000-10-07
Posts 491South Carolina |
it scorns the dainty rose that raises her velvet slipper into the waning light for it touches her core with chilled liquor. Martie, captured by the unfolding allure of your words...I love it! Robert Joseph, |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
wonderful written and I enjoyed the whole poem.....excellent write Charisma |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
"and sears my heart like a violin for I can take my fingernail and trail it across that slate until all my fine hairs tear. " and "and when the sky explodes and the light and sound crash through I am released from the shudder that held me" two small pieces of pure wonder that capture and enrapture me with your words |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Martie, as always I find myself torn between simply focussing on the positives or giving a more balanced opinion - I’ll go for the latter again, but I’ll mail you as well, ok? Really you have got to be one of the finest lyric poets in passions. Your poems are always a wonderful uplifting read, so easy to “fall into” and let yourself be carried along with very rarely any “bumpiness” to disturb the flow. That is certainly the case again here - i can read aloud from start to finish and know that I’ve just experienced something close to music; you have a gift of being able to make words “sound”. Unlike your previous poem though this has an unfinished feel to it - as if it was written to celebrate a moment, in that moment. Possibly much of its value lies in its very spontaneity, yet i still feel that it could benefit from a little more thought and pruning and still not lose that wonderful immediacy. This isn’t the place to go into great detail, but in summary I’ll just say that i thought the opening stanza was very strong indeed, as was the first half of the second. Those sections had some truly excellent lines. The second half of that stanza and the third seem to drift a little and the quality of the imagery certainly slipped IMHO. The final sections fall somewhere between the two i suppose, not quite in the league of the opening. But don’t misunderstand me please Martie i measure the quality of your work against the quality of other pieces i have seen from you, by any “average” scale this is a pretty amazing accomplishment ... Thanks Philip |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Robert Joseph--To capture with words...thank you. Charisma--thank you for letting me know that you enjoyed this poem...I appreciate it. Bill--Thanks for letting me know the parts that you liked. Philip--thank you so much for your in depth look at this poem...I really do appreciate it...you said some wonderful things and I thank you and you helped me look at it a little differently...always helpful. |
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Daniel J D Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia |
Martie, You have done it again, a classic poem, well done. "and when the sky explodes and the light and sound crash through me I am released from the shudder that held me" Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love (Daniel J D) |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Oh God, Martie, this is ecstatically delightful, You are just amazing sweet one Maree "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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