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Beyond the Inferno
| Open Poetry #10 |
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Beyond the Inferno |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven 
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Dante had Virgil guide his 9 ring tour round about dark Acheron’s further side From faithless shades who were never quite sure Down to the level of traitors who lied In this inferno he traveled in fear Each circle renewing doubts he would live although the great poet hovered quite near amongst those his God chose not to forgive Still one ring under his farthest descent subsist those who are the most damned of all losing their lives while lost love they lament they stumble about with nowhere to fall Alone and afraid with no guiding light escaping the pain only when they write < !signature--> Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". [This message has been edited by Prometheus (edited 10-26-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jamie Patterson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Oh my!!! Those last two lines are killers Jamie...truer words were never spoken!! This is wonderful.  |
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Daniel J D Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia |
Prometheus, Powerful and deep. Well done, my friend. Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love (Daniel J D) |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Hi Jamie--what a strong poem...and the ending just hit me..I'm so glad to see you posting again!! |
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Toddles Member
since 2000-07-24
Posts 396New Orleans, Louisiana |
Very nice poem, strong, direct images. [This message has been edited by Toddles (edited 10-25-2000).] |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Jamie...this was just great...your words just reach out and grab me...but then they always do... |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Sharon--Honestly now, is that the truth?....lol DJD--Thanks, glad you like it. Martie- Hi, good to see you again! Thanks. Toddles--Thanks, I have enjoyed many of your poems as well.....What do you mean about a "quote from Virgil?" There is reference to him but no quotes.. the entire piece is based on Dante's Divine Comedy but there are no quotes so far as I know. Again, thanks for reading and replying and I look forward to more of your poems soon. Paula==Glad to have hold of you again...lol ..Thanks for liking it. Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Enjoyed the language and tone in this piece. Well written P. It lingers. Take care of yourself. *Peace. |
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Toddles Member
since 2000-07-24
Posts 396New Orleans, Louisiana |
I meant that I really like this... Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Ooops! Now don't I feel silly. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Oh Jamie, this is marvelous, yes I have to agree with Sharon, the last two lines really do hit!  It's a pleasure to read you dear Maree "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Prometheus~ This is a brilliant write. 'they stumble about with nowhere to fall Alone and afraid with no guiding light escaping the pain only when they write' ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
jamie got to it at last!! great sonnet my friend. a bit of the Classics in there, a nice gentle turn at lines 8/9 and the closing couplet ...well!! I have to agree with the others, you had me guessing right till the very last word ...LOL , ingenious closure still........... you don't seriously think i can comment on one of your poems without having a moan do ya....heh ..? on my reading you don't quite get away with the missing syllable in the second line. The big thing in this sonnet is that you depart from an iambic stress pattern right from the start. Unlike the traditionalist's among us (mentioning no names Jim and Pete  )I am all for writing sonnets in any way you choose - and i still call them sonnets as long as they have fourteen lines ...lol. I think you primarily use dactylic stress patterns here:DA-dum-dum DA-dum-dum etc etc which is fine - i love dactyls . The first line maybe has a little "bump" in it, but in the second line everything is proceeding smoothly: ROUND-a-bout ACH-er-ron's FUR-ther SIDE until you reach the "ther" of "further" and expect another unstressed syllable which ain't there! This could easilty be fixed by using "furtherest", ROUND-a-bout ACH-er-ron's FUR-ther-est SIDE but i'm not sure whether that gives quite the meaning you were after....? anyway i'm nit picking here. the rest is pretty smooth, and anyway i've just remembered i'm in Open not CA ...lol...so i'll shut up now... overall jamie it was a very nice read indeed thanks philip |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Give me a sonnet and I'm a happy camper - Give me one of this quality and I'm ebullient..  |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
you must have miscounted Philip.....yea that's the ticket |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Jamie~ Excellent write!! -SEA |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
BUT !! Nancy it's not iambic pentameter, it can't be a sonnet can it????????? yeah yeah jamie ......~smile~ |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Wow, all those sonnet comments, maybe I will learn something. I always give such boring replies, and here is another one. I love this poem..and the last 2 lines express my life perfectly. Take care, and I love your writing, whatever it is called.. Sandra |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
ah, it was ok... Actually Jamie - I like this one a lot - the language and references of course lend much to its heavy air... deep and interesting twist regarding the form of necessary catharsis at the end. Brava! C ps: good job ignoring Philip! |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Christopher-Sandra-SEA-Spitfire- Maree- Marge Philip- My anorexic ego thanks you... P- sweet NANcy LIKES it JUST the WAY it IS.......lol  < !signature--> Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". [This message has been edited by Prometheus (edited 10-27-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
sheesh ..well then jamie .. at long last she's learning ......heh ... |
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