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brandondinsmore
Member

since 1999-10-27

Posts 142
OKC, OK

0 posted 2000-04-23 11:23 AM

(a) sunflower.
beautiful sun (a)
replica makes love with the
sun a goddess' golden prize.
brown and goldened;
circumnavigates swiftly
into lucid repitition that
with the fiery intensity
so lengthly accomplished
and the springing
still, of you with a
moment eternal i gaze desirous
upon you...

brandondinsmore
Member

since 1999-10-27

Posts 142
OKC, OK

1 posted 2000-04-23 11:51 AM

I love this whole forum idea, except for the fact that I have yet to receive any form of feedback on my own writings. Maybe this isn't the place for a writer or a poet, just enthusiasts. I don't know...it is kind of discouraging, I do know.

Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

2 posted 2000-04-23 12:07 PM

Brandon, first let me say welcome to passions. Thank you for sharing your poem with us. Please be patient, give us time to reply to your poems. Might I suggest that you respond to other poems here too, then you will get more feedback from us okay!

Please do't get discouraged, you will soon love it here. This is the first poem that I have read by you, it is a good first post. I was instantly pleased when you mentioned the sunflower, comparing it's beauty to the object of your desire, I love sunflowers, what a beautiful way to compare. I must admit that I had to re-read your poem twice, for some reason something is missing to me, it flows but not completely, but, you do have a unique style. Do share this with the person that you wrote it for, I am sure that she would love it.

Take care,
Melissa Honeybee

Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

3 posted 2000-04-23 12:08 PM

Hi Brandondinsmore,

have patience with us. There are many posts and many poets.

So, I see you would like feedback (from your other post saying you have had none).

I like the imagery in this poem.
One suggestion if I may be so bold: spell check your words prior to posting. There are three typos.

Looking forward to reading more of your work!

Corinne

poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite

since 1999-07-25

Posts 2646
Arkansas

4 posted 2000-04-23 12:09 PM

Brandon...I for one, am saddened at your thoughts, and you being discouraged. I know myself, I don't get to spend as much time in here reading and replying as I'd like to. Please don't stop participating in here. As far as this poem here, I loved your use of words! And the last two lines wrapped it up so beautifully....quite a compliment indeed...I'm sure any lady would blush...

Keep writing, don't let it get you down. I've found in here, you almost have to "advertise" yourself, and acquire followers. LOL Just keep on making yourself known to others by replying to their works, and most will return the favor, and there you go! Instant friendship, and poetic bonds! Just my thoughts...sorry.

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

5 posted 2000-04-23 12:12 PM

This is a little complicatedly worded for me...that's probably cos I am not that good at poetry. However, in my experience, simplicity can be as profound as complicatedness. (Excuse my massacre of the English language...having a little trouble expressing myself!!

Love and hugs,
Lizzie

"Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."

brandondinsmore
Member

since 1999-10-27

Posts 142
OKC, OK

6 posted 2000-04-23 12:17 PM

Thank you...and my apologies.

Spelling errors bug me like no other, so in the future they will be absent.

Thanks for the compliments and suggestions all.

Perhaps I will continue to submit writings.

Cperazzi
Junior Member

since 1999-12-13

Posts 34
Texas

7 posted 2000-04-23 12:29 PM

Am enjoying your work...as far as lack of replies, don't forget it is a holiday!
I just popped online for a few minutes between family outings.

mariee66
Senior Member

since 2000-01-30

Posts 596
Recess, OfYourMind

8 posted 2000-04-23 01:29 PM

Hi there~

It's really hard to read all the poems quickly. It's also hard if you post a lot of poems in one day. Maybe try posting two one day and see what feedback you get; then post some more the next day.

I love to read all the works here, even though I don't always post a reply. I try to read as many as possible, and if the poem really grabs me, one way or another, I post a reply.

This one is good, so don't get discouraged.
Marie~

brandondinsmore
Member

since 1999-10-27

Posts 142
OKC, OK

9 posted 2000-04-25 09:25 AM

any suggestions?

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