»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #7
»
Haiku
| Open Poetry #7 |
|
Haiku |
|
|
Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
Easter lilies bloom As worshipers exalting- Praising rising Son. Gentle springtime rains, Dance upon land's greening grass, Elixir of life. Morning doves take flight For their roost in budding tree- Harbingers of spring. To pond's edge doves wing, In the heat of summer day- Paintings in blue sky. Doves on feather fly Over fields of ripened grain- Autumn's fading light. Doves huddled as one On snowy winter morning- Seeking warming sun. [This message has been edited by Mike (edited 04-21-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Mike - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
I love haiku!!  All of these were lovely, Mike -- some better than others, of course, but such is the way of these things ... I do have one suggestion -- I was once told by a lady who knows a great deal more about haiku than I do that a mistake many make when writing them is being a slave to syllable count. The power of haiku is in brevity -- dedicating every words you write to enhancing the image you are painting, and eliminating any extraneous words -- even if it causes you to deviate from the 5-7-5 format. Suffice to say that the 5-7-5 guideline is a maximum rather than a strict requirement -- a 4-7-3 would still be considered haiku so long as it captured the spirit of the image and had the "haiku moment" or turn, which usually appears in the last line if I recall correctly. For example, in the third haiku you posted here (which is onr of my favorites, BTW), the word "their" might be eliminated from the second line, as it is implied in the context, and "For" replaced with "To" to compensate: Mourning doves take flight To roost in budding tree- Harbingers of spring. IMHO, this streamlines the verse a bit more and makes it truer to the spirit of haiku. Just my suggestion ... --Kess Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest |
||
|
Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Lovely, lovely writing, Mike. "Gentle springtime rains, Dance upon land's greening grass, Elixir of life." I am especially smitten with this one...if you remember my website, you may understand why. You know, you folks are stirring up my curiosity about Haiku...I'd love to try writing it. ~ Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Mike, Wonderful haiku, every one. Sy |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Mike, these are beautiful!! |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Sun's here - loving every lil bit! Well done, Mike! |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
You do Haiku too? Good... |
||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Mike~ Exquisitely done. Each and every one of them. You are gifted in this art. Thank you so much for sharing these. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
||
|
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Your poetic talent seems limitless, Mike! These are beautiful! Denise |
||
|
Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Mike, these were wonderful. I love haiku, but prefer the 5-7-5 strict format. I read that western culture is lax in the format for our own interpretations. Great job. Parker |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
