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Broken_Winged_Angel
Senior Member

since 2000-04-06

Posts 994
Small Town, Somewhere

0 posted 2004-07-26 02:52 PM

It was a house of cards
That we lived in
Starting with a stacked deck

You were the dealer
And the player
Ante up, for all games

I was the Queen of Hearts
Until you proved it was
Just another illusion

When the house crumbled
Fell in the winds of life
I was the last card standing

A joker, one that didn't belong
Not in the games with you
Not in the way you played

On another table
A new house is carefully built
With another stacked deck

You, the King of Spades
She, the Queen of Hearts
Neither seeing the Jack of Diamonds

Who's been counting the cards
Learning your games
And will breath that last breath

To shatter your new house,
And leave you standing
As the last unwanted card

The one that doesn't belong
The second joker of the deck
That is discarded.

Your time is here. Take one last look at it, then never come back. This part of your life is already over...

PKreturns
Member

since 2003-07-21

Posts 362
New Orleans, LA

1 posted 2004-07-26 04:42 PM

Great use of metaphor.
I think this was nice to read.

junemac
Senior Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 1005
uk

2 posted 2004-07-27 04:16 AM

Yes great metaphor indeed. It was scary and sad too. Enjoyed this one.
Hugs June x

PatAngel
Member

since 2004-04-05

Posts 451
California

3 posted 2004-07-27 01:03 PM

I also agree, this was a great metaphor! I enjoyed this.

Patricia

'When you find a dream within your heart, don't ever let it go.
For dreams are the tiny seeds from which tomorrow grows.'

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

4 posted 2004-07-28 02:27 AM

Well done and interesting slant. Joyce

aujussy wolf

Senior Member

since 2003-08-09

Posts 1215
Michigan

5 posted 2004-08-08 11:48 PM

cool layout bwa , happy i had a chance to read it ....
- wolf

msflame
Member

since 2002-05-21

Posts 188

6 posted 2004-08-23 04:29 PM

Excellent choice of metaphor and you executed it throughout the poem. Nicely done.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

7 posted 2004-08-24 12:44 PM

wow...good write, though sad

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

8 posted 2004-08-25 05:03 PM

BrokenWingedOne~
This is truly a stirring piece~
I like the play of the hand~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email noles1@totcon.com

Broken_Winged_Angel
Senior Member

since 2000-04-06

Posts 994
Small Town, Somewhere

9 posted 2004-08-26 07:53 PM

Wow.. I really didn't think this one was that good

Thank you for all of the replies. I guess that means I shouldn't judge my own work?

And I've no clue where the metaphor came from...just sat down thinking on an old relationship and out came the cards.

:- Thank you again

Your time is here. Take one last look at it, then never come back. This part of your life is already over...

Solstice Son
Member

since 2000-09-19

Posts 469

10 posted 2004-10-11 03:47 PM

good to see you still alive gg

Sol

- kiss -

- hug -

" and I dream of her always,
even when I don't dream.
her name's on my tongue
and her blood's in my stream."

'Christmas in Prison' John Prine

Annie78
Member

since 2003-10-03

Posts 469
here then there then back here

11 posted 2004-12-17 03:24 PM

another triumph...states exactly what I would now like to see so that just once he might understand the pain.
Annie

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