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In a Haiku Mood
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In a Haiku Mood |
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Sparticus Member
since 2003-11-15
Posts 245 |
Silver swans crawl along cloud strung sunset critiquing the colors My dreams bathe me in sticky sweetness as they steal my blankets. Blue moon races across the sky to laugh at my unkissed lips. After the crowd goes the papers scatter through streets of my loneliness. Cooler winds shakes trees, whispers to waterfowl to wedge southward. My breath is labored as she weighs heavy on my mind and my mouth. She is all curves, scents, colors and hours of my life spent. When you are painted on my face, I begin to show a hue of beauty. Even with insects- |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (smiles) God Bless You, sweet Jesse, I just love your wonderful haiku daisy chains! (big hugggsssssss) Here's a painting I found that I think so vividly matches your gorgeous words, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jesse, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Love these...very well done! Hugs~ ~I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before~ |
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wandering glider Senior Member
since 2001-04-04
Posts 501aloft |
These poems do not readily fit my idea of Haiku. I'd be curious as to your description of this form. What makes a poem a Haiku? I do Haiku, and enjoy the challenge of it. An example, just written: Northwest wind arrives, rattling bladdernut pods. Grey squirrel waits nearby. -glider- |
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Sparticus Member
since 2003-11-15
Posts 245 |
Thank you Noel, Enchantress for your comments. What makes a haiku? There are hundreds of ways of approaching that...Not any one way is perfect with the form that is Japanese. So you may have your way too. I like your style but you don't like mine...No problem. Sparticus Even with insects- |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I like these |
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Sparticus Member
since 2003-11-15
Posts 245 |
Thank you, Passing Shadows. Sparticus |
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wandering glider Senior Member
since 2001-04-04
Posts 501aloft |
You said: "What makes a haiku? There are hundreds of ways of approaching that...Not any one way is perfect with the form that is Japanese. So you may have your way too. I like your style but you don't like mine...No problem." - - - - - The question was one of curiousity. I agree, it is approached in many ways, and that is problematical, given that it purports to be a "form". Forms have rules. I am merely interested in what other poets' rules are when they use this form. I sense that your rules are none of my business. Poet's privelege. And by the way, I did not say that I didn't like your poems, or your style. -glider- |
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Sparticus Member
since 2003-11-15
Posts 245 |
Well, the actual translation of Haiku means, opening lines. The tanka was the precursor of the haiku. Basho, a Japanese monk, boldly created the new form. The form gave us a game of Renga as well as Haibun, Haiga, etc. Many say you need nature and a hint of season. The actual syllable count is, for English Haiku, 5-7-5. Yet in the translations from Japanese we find many that don't fit that count. According to many English speaking haiku experts, haiku can be any short poem, doesn't even have to be three lines. Some say they read more like the Japanese if put in four lines, keeping the seventeen syllables. If a poem doesn't refer to nature with a hint of season, many feel they are Senryu, 5-7-5 poems that usually have a relationship or self discovery theme, some quite passionate. And many feel the last line of the haiku should zing...have something that surprises the reader. From Issa... In this world we walk the roof of hell, gazing at flowers. Napped half the day; no one punished me! From Basho... Life in this world- a makeshift hut like Sogi's Heat waves shimmering one or two inches above the dead grass. From Buson... I go, you stay; two autumns Coolness- the sound of the bell as it leaves the bell. And modern by Ethridge Knight... The piano man is stingy at 3 A.M. his songs drop like plum. To write a blues song is to regiment riots and pluck gems from graves. Making jazz swing in Seventeen syllables AIN'T No square poet's job. And the best known of all haiku, Allen Ginsberg's rendition of Basho's Furuike ya... Old pond-frog jumps in-kerplunk! There is actually a thick volume out there on just how to write a haiku. Because it has so many variations, it is hard to grasp just what the form is. Plus one bit of advice from one poet friend...don't be a slave to any form. I hope this answers you well and that you might have something to add as far as your own belief in what a haiku is. Thank you for the discussion. Sparticus Even with insects- |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Jesse~ You know what ? This entire piece is so tender and lovely, it wouldn't matter to me what you called it~ My self-study of the technical aspects on the Haiku/Senryu formats has been, at times, confusing ... simply because of the differences in Japanese syllabic count and the transference to English syllabic count. What I do find, in this modern day poetic world, is that there are a multitude of 'opinions and variations' on the forms. May we all continue to poetically grow, learn and share~ Thank you for being a poet~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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Sparticus Member
since 2003-11-15
Posts 245 |
Thank you, Marge, I was at one time a form bug...every form had to be as it was said to be....The Sonnet, the Villanelle, the Pantoum, all the forms of the Orient. Then I saw poems that came close but had a world of freedom, but stayed in a type of form. One poet I read told his readers, when you know several forms as well as being comfortable with free style writing...the poem picks how it wants to be. Thank you also for being a poet. And a good friend to all as well as to poetry. Poetry is like nothing yet is like everything. Jesse Even with insects- |
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wandering glider Senior Member
since 2001-04-04
Posts 501aloft |
Thanks for the history lesson, I think. Where there is one his-story, however, there is quite often another. The point is, I still don't know why you write a small poem and call it haiku. Do you? I trust you will figure it out for yourself sometime. Never mind my interest. Write whatever you like . . . -glider- |
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Sparticus Member
since 2003-11-15
Posts 245 |
I do feel as though you wouldn't believe me anyway. So I do write how I want...if you want to call them little poems or Senryus or haikus...I don't mind. I really don't have a problem with anything you say...so don't take offense at what I express to you, and I am not saying you are. But one point...I didn't ask for critique...I get to know a place before I do that. Thank you all for giving me a great reception. I will think of this place as a wonderful place indeed. I just want to have fun and relax posting...play by the rules and always do. Bye. Sparticus Even with insects- |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Sparticus~ Your writing is too beautiful to even think of not sharing it here~ I can't imagine the why of someone else's rather negative feelings questioning one who pens as elegantly as you do ... but let me tell you that YOU are welcomed here with a passion~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ Bless you, my friend~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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wandering glider Senior Member
since 2001-04-04
Posts 501aloft |
It is sometimes said: "Curiosity killed the cat." My curiousity was misplaced. Sorry. Bye. -glider- |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
Sparticus: I thought each expression of your "Haiku Mood" was lovely and interesting. I read the discussion between you and glider and while it was educational, I believe that diversity is what makes this site so welcoming to all. Beauty of words, to me, should not be constrained by strict form. I hope both of you will enjoy being here and participating. There is room here for everyone and please sharer more of your work with us. Trillium Betty Lou Hebert |
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Sparticus Member
since 2003-11-15
Posts 245 |
Thank you Betty, I am not going to leave here, I just had a bad day! Thank you for your input and I don't have any ill feelings. I will continue to submit poems at this site. Sparticus |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
Sparticus: Glad to hear you will be posting here. I know we all have a bad day now and then, but they usually fade behind the abundance of good ones! I hope you have many "good ones" here! Betty Lou Hebert |
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Sparticus Member
since 2003-11-15
Posts 245 |
So far most have been golden! Thank you Betty. Sparticus Even with insects- |
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jaicie114 Senior Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 750On the edge of forever |
Hi, Sparticus! Okay...I wouldn't know "form" from "formula" when it comes to writing poetry...I just open up and write what I channel. But...I do know what I like and most of what you wrote is incredibly intriguing to me. So, thank you. I would love to see more. I especially liked these: Silver swans crawl along cloud strung sunset critiquing the colors My dreams bathe me in sticky sweetness as they steal my blankets. Blue moon races across the sky to laugh at my unkissed lips. When you are painted on my face, I begin to show a hue of beauty. From the discussion, I think these all "meet" the criteria set forth and they all certainly have unexpected and delightful twists. Amazing! So, thank you again. Love and Light...jc This I know as Truth...we are all Beings of Light. |
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Sparticus Member
since 2003-11-15
Posts 245 |
Thank you J.C. Forms are not meant to be rigid...I think it important to know the form then write within the rules to understand, then write outside those rules so your voice rings in your particular style. Sonnets, Pantoums, Villanelles, Rubais, Sijos, Kirelles, all have the rules given to them through historical use and the inventor. Many poets write within those forms, many also write variations, according to their need. And of course there are poets that just can't write in form because they feel too constricted by it. Good references for forms are:The Shapes Of Our Singing by the late Robin Skelton, and The Poetry Dictionary by John Drury, as well as others. As any writing, express yourself as you see fit, but it never hurts to learn the craft, even if only to learn how to bend the rules. Sparticus |
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