Soiled Lace Haiku - pipTalk Forums

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Dennis L. White
Senior Member

since 2000-02-17

Posts 1463
Michigan, U.S.A.

0 posted 2001-07-31 02:26 PM

You have soiled your lace

There among the common weeds

Yet stand proud, Queen Anne

[This message has been edited by Dennis L. White (edited 08-01-2001).]

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

1 posted 2001-07-31 03:38 PM

I like this one. very clever. Joyce

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

2 posted 2001-07-31 05:06 PM

Very well done!

Betty Lou Hebert

Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

3 posted 2001-07-31 06:27 PM

Ah, Dennis, a creative play on words and images. Excellent, my friend

Your haikus always impress~

Melissa~

Songbird
Member Elite

since 1999-12-15

Posts 2184
Missouri

4 posted 2001-08-02 10:13 AM

Great imagery and meaning here!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-08-02 04:54 PM

This was awesome! I really liked this one! VERY well written.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Jon Mewett
Senior Member

since 2000-03-04

Posts 1304

6 posted 2001-08-03 11:58 AM

I rest awhile upon the breeze
When I return what do I see
Once again in ink with ease
The Haiku KING........his Poetry

Hi Dennis........just drifting through.....couldn't help nipping in for a read.

Reign on

Good wishes

Jon

Jamie
Member Elite

since 2000-06-26

Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

7 posted 2001-08-07 07:49 AM

Well Dennis, get out there and pull those weeds. No rose likes to compete with them yanno

NIce one.

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

paladin

Senior Member

since 2001-08-05

Posts 930
Pensacola,Fl.

8 posted 2001-08-07 01:48 PM

Altough this is a nice minimalist poem it is not haiku.Haiku is Three lines.Three sylables,five sylables,three sylables.About nature with a comparason.

                Kindness

             Brief kindness
             Moving a turtle
             from the road

This was not mean to be critism.Just trying to inform.

paladin

Dennis L. White
Senior Member

since 2000-02-17

Posts 1463
Michigan, U.S.A.

9 posted 2001-08-07 06:08 PM

Paladin,
Thank you for your reply. I appreciate the information you have shared with me. I should also let you know that there is more than one form of westernized haiku. One of the more popular forms uses 5-7-5 syllables as I have used. You are correct that haikus are centered on nature and include a seasonal word, usually the third line is the brake line where a contrast or observation rounds out the vignette. I used to think that the poets who used 3-5-3 format did so in error, but after writing in the 5-7-5 format I have great respect for the 3-5-3 form, knowing that the economy of words to convey a given haiku snapshot is even more difficult than the form I prefer. Finally, I feel there is room for these two forms to co-exist. If you wish to continue a dialoge on this subject you may contact me
at: dlynnn@hotmail.com

Thanks again for your thoughtful comments. Dennis :^)

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