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Teen Poetry #3
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Thick Mist
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Thick Mist |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico 
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Thick Mist: A mist blocks my view. The path is unknown. Lost in a mesh of thoughts. Tearing my web apart. Blood clots prevent the life. Staggering over nightmares. My skin is torn off continuiosly. Lost within the mist I walk. Reaching a wall of ends. I must climb to reach a smile, Yet my tools were left behind, And oh the mist is thick!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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| © Copyright 2001 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
hmmmm...very interesting Dopey. To tell you the truth, I loved each line except for the end. I feel like you cut us off on something. I don't know, maybe it's just a feeling. But still, wonderful post I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
A good poem, effectively shows your tortured path as you walk. I believe that the ending is like that because the situation itself, in reality, has not ended, is that correct? |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
Great peom Dopey, you write with such meaning and power!! Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
I really like this one. You are w/o a doubt talented. I actually liked the last line. It gives the me the sense of still being lost without any answers in sight. Jason "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
it was great. real deep. a "thick mist" we all get our paths blocke, we either get through or we dont and ok sorry..im rambling.. Regina ps Great poem Javier |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I also liked the ending of this. It didn't seem cut off to me when I read it, but that's just me of course. You've reached the wall of ends but can't quite get over to finally end it. Yeah? Anyway, nice job. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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CareBear3 Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 39New Hampshire |
I really enjoyed the ending, I kind of saw it like you reached a stoping point, and in order to get over the top you need your tools, but its such a long task to go back and get the tools that its questioning whether or not its worth the effort...ha maybe Im WAY off! But this was excellant I really liked it. "In great moments life seems neither right nor wrong but something greater it seems inevitable" ~Kelley |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well everybody.....Acire is right, the ending did cut off and leave the reader wanting more......i hate writing in that style but i did....it was meant to be like that. Anyway.....carebear got it right......i reached the wall of ends.....the final solution to it all.....but once i got there my tools to break down the wall or climb it were left behind..and damn the mist is thick front and back.......thus.....going forward would be just as hard as going back. I'm boxed in....and trapped......no matter how I solve it, pain will ultimately win. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
another lovely poem dopey i liked the scenic pictures I get when I read this... best wishes ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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