»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #3
»
Lost a few friends, Gained 1 special friendship
| Teen Poetry #3 |
|
Lost a few friends, Gained 1 special friendship |
|
|
Trebius New Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 1 |
What was once an unbreakable bond Before my eyes was shattered. The blast worked like a ripple in a pond So the people around had scattered. I then thought all was lost I thought my life was over. The friendship was just tossed But a glinting from afar had drawn me closer. Hidden in the mist of hate Stood a hidden power... For it wasn't too late Fate handed me a flower. The flower soothed my wounds The flower stopped my crying. But i fear that in the passing of the moon It'll rot and leave me dying. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Trebius - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania |
Welcome to Passions! This was an awesome first post but I hope you found someone who will stay around for good. Trust is a terrible thing to lose. Great Job again  .~Susie "If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "Driftwood" |
||
|
Isabelle Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 176Indiana |
I also want to Welcome you to Passions. This is a great poem especially for a first post. I hope to see more. Jeanna "Poetry is the music of the souls, and above all, of great and feeling souls." ~Voltaire~ |
||
|
Novacaine For The Soul Member
since 2000-05-26
Posts 122New Orleans |
dear trebius: this is fairly good, and quite impressive for a first post... i particularly like the final stanza... i must admit, however, that i feel there are problems with your use of metaphors and images... i'm not quite sure how the flower fits into all of this, it seems as though it becomes a symbol for a person near the end of the poem without the proper foreshadowing, etc... you might think about adding a transitional stanza explaining the significance of the flower, or perhaps simply describing it in a personifying manner... just a few ideas that i think might help improve the poem.. sincerely, a sad tomato you're such a beautiful freak... i wish there were more just like you... |
||
|
mickel2995 Junior Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 48 |
I also want to welcome you passions and would also like to comment on the first stanza! What an irreplacable thing to lose and I know how much it hurts. I've been there before and it's hard, you'll make it and in the end you'll be the better person. Wonderful first post! Keep it up! With all my Love, Micale |
||
|
MrHat Junior Member
since 2000-04-15
Posts 34Gilroy, Ca |
Welcome. Sorry for your loss. But, with loss of friends comes pain. Do not fret. For you will find more in good time. "Some people react physically to the magic of poetry, to the moments, that is, of authentic revelation, of the communication, the sharing, at its highest level....A good poem is a contribution to reality. The world is never the same once a good poem has been added to it. A good poem helps to change the shape and significance of the universe, helps to extend everyone's knowledge of himself and the world around him." -Dylan Thomas (1913-1953) |
||
kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
belated welcome to passions! i liked the metaphor of a person to a flower....i liked the last two lines too though i must say dont be afraid to place your trust in a friend just because you have been hurt before...sometimes its worthwhile to take calculated risks hope u are feeling better now |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought this was a great poem! WELCOME TO PASSIONS! keep posting.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
||
|
sweetstuff101 Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375OK, USA |
I know how it feels to lose friends, I recently just lost my best friend. but I also gained another one. Well your poem was excellent, nice job. keep writing!! Luv, ~*~SweetStuff~*~< !signature--> ~*~GoOd fRiEnDz ArE hArD 2 FiNd, HaRdEr 2 LeAvE, & iMpOsSiBlE 2 fOrGeT~*~tHe HaRdEsT tHiNg tO Do iS wAtCh tHe 1 U LuV, lUv sUm1 eLsE~*~ [This message has been edited by sweetstuff101 (edited 11-25-2000).] |
||
|
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Welcome to Passions Trebius! We are very happy you have decided to join our community of poetry friendship and invite you to join the family! This is a very descriptive first post ... nicely done! I hope to read more of your poetry and your responses to our wonderful family of poets! (check your e-mail for a special message) Best wishes, /Kit |
||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Hi there! Welcome to Passions! This is a wonderful first post. I hope that your "flower" stays with you for a long time. Thanks for posting. "Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather "Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav |
||
|
vix616 Junior Member
since 2000-11-25
Posts 22 |
well done, fab poem, i realy did like it. im a new member 2 so im being nice 2 welcome u as lodsa people were really welcoming 2 me. Keep thinking positively.. lodsa luv vicki.xx  |
||
|
Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Welcome to Passions I see that this was posted a while ago, but still, welcome I hope you post some more poems for us, this one was really good!"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
||
|
Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
A late Welcome to you. Good poem. Its hard to let go of people you grow close to but what can I say? All friendships dont last a lifetime. I hope to see more work by you. People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts. |
||
xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!! I hope you like it here as much as i do...i thought that this poem was a great way to enter into passions. Cant wait to see more!! Welcome!! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
