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Teen Poetry #3
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Monica Ash
Junior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 17


0 posted 2000-10-09 04:02 PM


   When I first ment you I thought you were my soul mate, but when that final break up came I knew I wasn't right. I said I loved you and you said it too does that mean it's me and you????? As days go by all I do is cry. So I take this time and ask you why???? And if you cry i'll tell you why it's becasue I lie!!!!!! And if you have the heart which I know you do you'll give me one last chance to be with you.      

© Copyright 2000 Monica Ash - All Rights Reserved
xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
1 posted 2000-10-09 04:06 PM


First of all WELCOME TO PASSIONS!! Your first poem was very well written. I liked it a lot! I cant wait to see more!!

xoxo,
michele

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
2 posted 2000-10-09 05:08 PM


Welcome to Passions!   Please check your e-mail for a special welcome.



When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shodows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face...

William Butler Yeats

Jenn Cirrincione
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Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
3 posted 2000-10-09 05:10 PM


Welcome... good poem. You obviously feel strongly for this guy, hope it works out.
Jenn


"He's mastered the art, of looking sincere, his eyes have a way, of making you stay, don't look in the mirror"- Chely Wright

Tamma
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Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794
In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV
4 posted 2000-10-09 05:16 PM


Monica, Sweetie, why havent you let me read any of your writing? or are me and Melissa rubbing off on ya?  mind if i show this to Justin?

If you love someone dont put their name in a heart,
put their name in a circle, because a heart can be broken
but a circle is continious.



Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
5 posted 2000-10-09 07:32 PM


Welcome!
I like this a lot, I'll be looking for more of your poems.

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
6 posted 2000-10-09 08:25 PM


Welcome to Passions!!!

You have a way of expressing yourself.  And, I personally think that you are very pssionate about your writing.  Thanks for sharing this.

One thing though, I took the liberty to rearrange your poem as only a suggestion.  Tell me what you think  

"When I first met you I thought you were my soul mate
But when that final break up came I knew I wasn't right.
I said I loved you and you said it too
Does that mean it's me and you?????
As days go by all I do is cry.
So I take this time and ask you why????
And if you cry i'll tell you why
It's becasue I lie!!!!!!
And if you have the heart which I know you do
You'll give me one last chance to be with you."    


I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
7 posted 2000-10-10 02:28 PM


WELCOME TO THE WONDERFUL CESS-POOL OF IMAGINATION AND WORDS AND SENTENCES AND STUFF! Great poem!




I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.


branden726
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607
Bay City, MI
8 posted 2000-10-11 04:49 PM


Well hey ill give ya credit....great work but a lot of us speak thru our poems and in here i feel you do to i just want to ask one question......would u honestly give yourself another chance? great work tho

"what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger"

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