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Do you really know?
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Do you really know? |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
This is the most personal poem I have ever written. Even my closest friends don't know some of what you are about to read. And I must say that it is 99% about me, even though all of this did happen just not all of it to me. Thanks.........Jacman Do you really know? Every time you step on another to raise yourself up high. Remember these words and realize how it feels: yes how it feels to be walked on, rejected and hated. Do you really know what its like to be beat up every day because your from another town, only 10 miles away? Or to be the short fat kid on the football team that was hung by his jersy and punched by the rest of the team because he wasn't tall enough, fast enough, good enough, or cool enough? Do you know what it's like everyday after gym class to go get your clothes out of a running shower? Do you know what it's like to hold back tears in your eyes? Do you know what its like to be forced to watch your girlfriend beaten and nearly raped? All because they called her a slut and she talked back? Do you know what its like to be called gay, faggot, or queer, because your just a little different? Do you know what its like to cut yourself because it helps take away the pain in your heart? And to sob into your bloodstained hands and beg God to make it all come to an end? I remember what its like. I was the kid from the other town. and the short fat kid who loved football. My clothes were soaked everyday. I've held back tears in my eyes. The girl was nice to me, I didn't care about here reputation. We got along. I didn't talk to anyone, I was too shy. That made me a fag in everyone else's eye. I remember the days that the went to far. And bleeding was the only way to shed my demons. I remember when if I had a gun SHS would have been my Columbine. But more self controll had I than they, and strong it has made me be. For I never wanted to hate, it was put inside of me. So tell me, do you really know? Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disapear... -Metallica- |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jason Allen Carmen - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Jason, I am SO sorry for everything you have been through. I've been teased, (the fat girl rarely gets off easily) but it was nothing like this. These are terrible people, and they will get theirs. What goes around comes around, don't worry about that. You are stronger than those people. You are a better person, and you have more talent. You will go far, and you will leave them behind. I know that what they have done can never be erased, and that the scars will remain on your soul forever. But you will be able to on, and we will help you. We are always here for you. PS- Please PLEASE don't cut yourself anymore. If you want some information about cutting, and some places to get help, just e-mail me. E-mail me if you want to talk or anything. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
Luv bug, thank you ever so much for the kindness shown here and concern. I must say though that this was quite some time ago and I have not been destructive to myself in quite some time. This is just a message because I know I was not alone and alot worse happens to kids. I was lucky. Again thank you very very much. jason  Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disapear... -Metallica- |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Oh wow....this was the most touching poem I've ever truely read on here. I can sympthiza with a lot of that stuff. I've always been the outsider as well, but to tell you the truth, the pain does make you stronger, but it does make hurt turn to fear. Your poem was really something that kinda opened my eyes to the unique personalities we meet everyday and we think we know, but don't. If you ever need to talk about anything at all, just send me an email or ICQ me or something. My email is: salooma@ureach.com and my ICQ # is 27299828. If ever you wanna talk about anything at all, my computer's usually on. Good Luck  Salma Khaleq PS I'm also the new kid in town who used to live just 10 miles away |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Jason, I'm so glad to hear that you don't harm yourself anymore. You are a very strong person, and I admire you. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
Oh Jason, there are not enough words in the dictionary to tell you what emotions have just run i n and out of my heart again. I was teased (until I got to HS) and it hurt. I went through my Freshman year wanting to die. Not caring what happened to me. I cut myself too, to make the pain go away. The physical pain out weighed the emotional. But it got to a point where it no longer hurt. The last time I ever cut myself, I cut my wrist, just the right way. (You've read the poem) And I got lucky. and so did you. You found a talent that is way beyond any words people could blurt out to you. I wish there was something I could do to take back your pain and anguish. I wish I could make all the teasing an taunting stop. I wish I could take away everyone's pain. But I can't, and the only thing I can do is show my love for everyone because we are all creations, made together to succeed. Yet we rip and tear at one another for what? To make us feel superior?!?! Thats pathetic. And it hurts me to have to sit on the sideline because nothing I could say or do could take back or stop any pain, I want you and everyone else to know that you are all my friends. I have met and come to know many people thru out this forum. And Jason, I've come particularly fond of you. You are a great person, and I'm sure a lot of it comes from what you have had to endure. Just remember that everyone goes through this, it's not fair and it isn't right. But show your love, and it will help ease the pain. So my friend, I want you to know that I care and I am always here for you. Luv ya bunches!! Love Always ~*~Jess~*~ < !signature-->~*~If aLl My FrIeNdS JuMpEd OfF a BrIdGe, I WoUlDn'T JuMp WiTH ThEm BeCaUsE I'd Be At ThE bOtToM tO CaTcH ThEm. ~*~[This message has been edited by StarPryncess17 (edited 09-03-2000).] |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Jason, I hear ya loud and clear on this one. And I'm proud of you for the personal maturity and integrity it took not to react violently. I, as I would assume most of the members here, have been taunted or teased during their child and teen years, for we possess the heightened sensitivity to see the world as other than we are taught, and this often seems odd enough to merit comment. Sadly though, there are many with the dog mentality: rarely will a dog attack from the front, by themselves. The attack in a pack, from behind. Fortunately for me, I had an older brother, and his friends. It's not that they stood up for me, more like fought or wrestled me relentlessly. But that only served to teach me to win at any cost, to fight to win. Again, luckily, I learned to control my temper, and to put a HUGE fuse on it, otherwise, I would be connecting to the internet from prison. Thanks for posting this, as I know it took a lot to peel back the scabs for reexamination. Alicat 29300778 |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
You've shown real courage to post this, my friend. Courage that has come from the pain you endured. I admire your spirit and your honor. Yes, a lot of us have suffered some of what you've described and some of us have suffered differently. As poets, you and the others in pain can share their stories in their verse and hopefully help someone who may face these things today. Yours is a message of hope. And courage. And honor. You were a hero then and a hero today. I admire you. Thank you for allowing us to read this. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Oh Jason ... this nearly tore my heart out. I hope you know how much I admire you ... I was wondering where you'd been for awhile, and was so pleased to see you back in the Forums again! I do hope you sent that wonderful poem to your mom that you commented on in one your responses to my poems (and give your pup an extra hug for me too, OK?). Many of us have been where you have been, in one form or another ... I think Alicat said it truly, when he commented on "our heightened sensitivity". I can't pretend to understand or excuse the bad behaviour of others, but I can be disappointed with human kind when things like this occur. It simply rips me apart. Just know that your wonderful poems, your sensitive responses, and your genuine and kind heart shine brilliantly within these walls, and always you will hold a special place within my heart. You will go far with your positive attitude Jason ... I know this in "my" heart. Best wishes and hugs, /Kit |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
This did tear my heart out! I knew a boy in my grade school days, that was picked on all the time by others. I used to walk home with him everyday. That has always hurt me that people can be so cruel. You are a hero and an example to multitudes in the attitude you take! You've risen above them, and your attitude will carry you far, for it far outshines them! It was all I could do to hold back my tears, and they did well up. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I applaud you for that. I applaud you for rising above it all too. For what really matters is what God thinks of you, and they will pay for what they did. God bless you always to carry that overcomer attitude! |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Jason~~~I have been through some of the things you have been through...I have been called a dike cuz I didnt want to sleep with just any guy...Then one night I got drunk and was pressured into it...Now who knows what people were saying about me that night...I was the fat little girl nobody wanted to play with (but now they want to be my friend cuz I am not that fat little girl anymore) Just cuz i wear make up and tight clothes every guy who didnt take a 2nd look at me wants me...One time I got mad at myself and I decided that a razor would do some good...Now I have 5 scars on my legs to show how I was feeling that day...When I was little I didnt have a best friend...My best friend was a bookstore...A book couldnt judge me and they kept me company...And its like you know what as I got picked on when I was little I still remember everything...From my "friends" making fun of my to my sister picking on me and beating me up...One day everyone who has ever done anything bad to you is gonna get what they deserve...At least thats what I think...Till then they have a good life...I am sorry that you went through this...You know my email if you ever want to talk to me!!! |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
I am sorry for everything you've ever gone through. I too know the pain of...well...life really. I have tried, and failed, three times, trying to end the pain. Each time I got a little closer, and each time I backed down. There times when I am really glad that I couldn't go through with it, and there are times that I'm not so happy. I'm sorry that you felt this way. But most of all, I'm sorry for all those things they did to you or whoever you wrote about, just as I have been on the recieving end, I have also been on the other end, and I am so ashamed of that, I really am. I wish that I had never said or done some of the things to the people I have hurt, and I wish that they all knew how sorry I really am, but they probably never will. So, I guess that we will never find out how to stop the pain because at unexpected times. It can come because of an argument with friends, family, lovers, it can come because of rejection, anything...but hang on in there...you'll survive. Beautiful is empty Beautiful is free Beautiful loves no one Beautiful stripped me ~Beautiful~ ~Creed~ |
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Jeremy Halstead Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569Morris, Ill. U.S.A |
Jay....I don't even know what the hell to say besides...thank you. Jeremy "Time is the matter, and in a matter of that all wounds will heal and all scars shall fade." |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
OK wow this is reallly insane. I never could have fathomed this kind of response. I really do feel the love, and thats no joke. Salma, thank you for the kind words and the open line of communication. The same works here. If you are ever in need of a friend don't hesitate to contact me. I am j-llenium@juno. I am on this thing everyday and so my response will be as soon as I can. Jess, you don't know how special you are to me. My friends are my most valued possesion in the world. Without them, I would not survive. And with every kind word, and every response you do make the pain stop. It is possible, even though because of inward and outward scars I'm reminded of it. You have helped me remove my attention from it for that short time to forget its there. Thank you for being you. Alicat, I know what you are saying about having a short fuse. For some time I would beat someone up for looking at me wrong. It took alot of patience and time to get over the severe hatred I carried with me all of the time. But lashing back at other people made me no better and I decided that I would not let that happen. Thank you Poet devine, wow the big dogs even came here to check on little 'ol me. I appreciate everything you said. I am really at a loss for words right now so please excuse me, thats all I can think of to say. Kit, You really are awesome. You'll have to tell me the title of that poem so that I can go and look it up. I forgot to print it at the time and now I can't even remember your title. Anyway, you are almost going to make me cry with all of this positive feedback. It still amazes me what this forum really does for me. It has brought me through some serious stuff as of late. I might not have made it if it wasn't for these people and this place. Thank you!!!!! Wht dove, it seems as though I've just gone out and torn everyones heart out. Well, that wasn't the plan but thats what it took for me to write this. And your right about it only counting how God sees me. I am his creation and I know that he loves me no matter what my circumstances be. Thank you!! Erin, well what can I say to all of that. Like I said before, it helps to know that I am not the only one who has ever felt this way. I'm sorry that you have gone through this sort of hell. It kind of brings a smile to my face because I'm not short and fat anymore. When I look at the people that gave me such a hard time and see that they are shorter than me and are getting fat I just laugh. Thanks, I'll talk to you later. Angelshel, I'm sorry that you have gone through those times at the very bottom. All I can say here is that when you find yourself at the bottom, the only place you can go is up. And if you get down there and need a friend, you can drag me in there with you and then you won't have to go through it alone. I'm sure that that goes with everyone else in here as well. So don't hesitate. Thanks alot!!! Thank you all and thank you passions!!! Youre all the greatest group of people that I've almost met jason Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disapear... -Metallica- |
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luvnkris Member
since 2000-08-31
Posts 144Perth, Australia |
oh my god that is the best poem i've ever read! that truly touched me in a way no ever poem has before. Although i've never been teased myself, i must admit that i have not always been kind to everyone i've met. Thankyou for opening up my eyes to see how much it really does hurt. * reach into that heart of yours, don't ignore the dream thats calling the spirit moving through you now * |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
Jeremy, you are very welcome. You know me better than anybody, even sometimes better than I know myself. love ya man. Luvnkris, You flatter me yes you do. I'm glad that this was an eye opener. Everybody teases other people from time to time. There is just a line that need not be crossed. Just be carefull and considerate and it is all in good fun. Thanks alot!!! yours truly jason Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disapear... -Metallica- |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Jason~~~All those people (you said you seen some that are short and fat now) will get what they deserve...No matter what they are gonna be punished...Maybe not now or anytime soon but they will get it... ~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
Erin, Thanks again, I really appreciate your support. But I must say, and I don't mean to get all religious but Jesus said from the cross, "forgive them father, for they know not what they do." I do not wish any harm apon any of them. I have forgiven them because I refuse to have my life controlled by hate. And I really believe that if they knew of all the pain they caused they would not have done it. All I can do now is be careful what I say and do, and stand up for someone who might be having the same problems. I just want to do my best to see that this doesn't happen to other people. Thank you so much, you, your poems, and your replies have come to mean alot to me since I have been in here. Feel free to e-mail me anytime. jason |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
Hey! I don't really know what to say besides I'm sorry that your life has been like this. People never realize what an impact they have on other people's emotions when they put you down right and left. I've been through some of this, too. Not all of it by far. But my heart goes out to you because I know what it's like to not fit in. Everyone has their place..some just get there before others. I'm so glad you're self-control kicked in when it did. Because acting upon your hatred wouldn't have solved anything but made you feel better. Which I understand would have been great for you, but there are other ways to make you feel good. Like writing poetry and getting it all out. And I hope all these replies makes you smile, because you deserve to smile. Keep your chin up, and I'm always here if u ever need anything, even though we don't know each other. KEep writing!Love always~~ *DQ* "One fine day you'll look at me and know that love was meant to be" ~Carol King |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Oh my this is one of the truest poems I've ever read, it describes me. Always been the tallest person at my school, always had straight brown hair and zits, always been rejected by the people that mattered to me, always cried myself to sleep, always been in my room with a pair of scissors or a butcher knife, because of all the people that made me feel that way. Always been ready to make the cut because they say that stuff to me. And the only reason I didn't was because of the two people that know me best and know all about the scars, inside and out, were there. My two people who know me best haven't even known me that long. Donna's known me for three-four years, and Justin hasn't even known me for two whole months and since I met him, I haven't cried. I can't say I haven't been with a butcher knife, but I haven't cried or felt bad about myself. I'm sorry for what you've been through, and what your girlfriend went through, I've been there too. And no one should have to go through that. Yes, I really know. I care about you even though I don't know you well. Much love always, Allysa (Now exiting to take some time to weep and think about this) Don't wander throught this glassy surface, expecting to find more than me, because what I am without a purpose, but a lone mirage to see. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Oh my this is one of the truest poems I've ever read, it describes me. Always been the tallest person at my school, always had straight brown hair and zits, always been rejected by the people that mattered to me, always cried myself to sleep, always been in my room with a pair of scissors or a butcher knife, because of all the people that made me feel that way. Always been ready to make the cut because they say that stuff to me. And the only reason I didn't was because of the two people that know me best and know all about the scars, inside and out, were there. My two people who know me best haven't even known me that long. Donna's known me for three-four years, and Justin hasn't even known me for two whole months and since I met him, I haven't cried. I can't say I haven't been with a butcher knife, but I haven't cried or felt bad about myself. I'm sorry for what you've been through, and what your girlfriend went through, I've been there too. And no one should have to go through that. Yes, I really know. I care about you even though I don't know you well. Much love always, Allysa (Now exiting to take some time to weep and think about this) Don't wander throught this glassy surface, expecting to find more than me, because what I am without a purpose, but a lone mirage to see. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Oh my this is one of the truest poems I've ever read, it describes me. Always been the tallest person at my school, always had straight brown hair and zits, always been rejected by the people that mattered to me, always cried myself to sleep, always been in my room with a pair of scissors or a butcher knife, because of all the people that made me feel that way. Always been ready to make the cut because they say that stuff to me. And the only reason I didn't was because of the two people that know me best and know all about the scars, inside and out, were there. My two people who know me best haven't even known me that long. Donna's known me for three-four years, and Justin hasn't even known me for two whole months and since I met him, I haven't cried. I can't say I haven't been with a butcher knife, but I haven't cried or felt bad about myself. I'm sorry for what you've been through, and what your girlfriend went through, I've been there too. And no one should have to go through that. Yes, I really know. I care about you even though I don't know you well. Much love always, Allysa (Now exiting to take some time to weep and think about this) Don't wander throught this glassy surface, expecting to find more than me, because what I am without a purpose, but a lone mirage to see. |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
D.Q. Thank you for your reply, and the kind words contained in it. Yes these replies do make me smile because alot of poeple are coming out with there own personal dificulties which in turn will help them deal with them better. Thanks again. Alysa, Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. Its wonderful to know that you have someone to call on when you feel ready to jump. Be thankful for them and show them how important they are. In the long run that is the greatest gift that you can give yourself. thanX yours truly, jason Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disapear... -Metallica- |
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TAP2 Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 211Morris, Il USA |
Jason, To be the strength you have shown forth in this poem. Newver was I the one that "fit in". I was alwayz the american kid with the funny accent. Accepted for a little time by being something I wasn't, I never could be the popular somebody, so I became my own popular nobody. Never was cool enough, ridiculed for my values and beliefs, my upbringing and morals. Get back to the States and it never was different. I was still the outsider from Germany, with the funny accent that could't quite be placed. Alwayz becoming what others wanted to see, simply for acceptance, but it only led to misery. Took up drinking, smoking, and drugs just to fit in for the moment, partied like I was cool, all the time feeling like an outsider to myself, betraying the true me. I'm soory that I couldn't be there when you needed me most. I was thousands of miles away, and your letters told nothing of your pain. Now that we are where we are in our lives, We both know the path that is before us, the path we must take. We've conquered and become more than they ever dreamed. I have a loving wife and a beautiful daughter, excited about a soon to be new addition to my family(hopefully it's a boy!), you are finally getting in touch with hidden demons that are being brought to the light. Lets not sit back and let the world come to us, but go out and take it, it has alwayz been ours. See you tonight at work. alwayz, Thomas A. Plemmons P.S. Thank you... Let not a word go unspoken, A thought go unheard, Let not one heart be broken Dream of a perfect world. -Th.A.P. |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
Thanks Tom, I knew you would understand. jason Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disapear... -Metallica- |
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ILoveSrfrs Member
since 1999-11-14
Posts 69California |
Jacman, great job. It's rare that on boards like these you see something so personal said with so much emotion. You did an excellent job at making the reader not only feel sympathetic, but also very understanding of the situation. i would love to read more from you soon. |
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Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
as out of place as this may sound, i think that i have an idea that may help. Defence. you have to defend yourself, and stand up for yourself.the next guy who messes with you, just beat him senseless. exert yourself as master of your own domain. defend yourself from any follow up attacks, and don't sh from them. you will prevail if your will is strong enough. Learn a little Kung-fu first if you have to. Always remember. the demons are not within, and you don't have to bleed. The demons are without. go forth and conquer |
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Trew Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Ottawa, Canada |
Jason, You have demonstrated something that very few people ever do: Maturity. You have written a very touching and insightful poem. In critique? A very fine example of free verse. In personal attitude, exemplory. I too was the brunt of many jokes, though some time ago. It still amazes me just how cruel some people can be, regardless of age. I commend you on your control and your outstanding outlook on life. You have a fine future ahead of you, I'm sure. A gift has been given to you in the form of poetry and in the heart and soul it takes to create it. Never forget that. Keep loving, keep learning and please keep writing. Trev. |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
Iluvsrfrs, Thanks for the reply, glad that I held your attention and I'm glad you've taken perspective interest in my work. again thank you! Jose, It just so happens that my hands and knuckles are covered in scars made by other peoples teeth. Since in my Junior year of high school I grew from 5'2" to 6'0" and started lifting and studying martial arts, I started to be able to give back my fair share of beatings. Untill one time in a total rage I beat the crap out of a total stranger because he caughed in my direction, I realized that I had lowered myself too far. There was definitely no honor in that. But I agree a person definitely has to stand up for themself. Just not to let it go too far. Thanks alot for your input. Your actually the only person that recomended actual self defence and I like that. Trew, thank you for your reply. It's not often that I am labeled with such a title as "mature." But that didn't come without years of absolute immaturity. Thank you for the flattering critique as well. jason Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disapear... -Metallica- |
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Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
Well, I’ll grant you one thing right now, you have incredible courage… I haven’t always fit in, it took the help of several loyal friends (and an army of highly trained, highly paid psychiatrists…), but eventually I discovered who I am. It’s a powerful thing to know who you really are, who you could really become… Jose Marti’s suggestion is a valid one. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but oh well, give ‘em hell! Seriously, I get the idea you were vastly outnumbered. A martyr to the cause is a dead man none the less. No one found retribution in there own defeat. Moral is, if someone walks over you, stay down just long enough for them to expose their back, then the day is yours…On the subject of marital arts (Which I am a student of…), a common misconception is you can handle multiple opponents…this is an exaggeration… Even two opponents vastly complicates matters. But you can really mess up one person…hehe. Well, you’re a senior now. On top of the world so to say. You have a right to defend yourself… Whoa…anyways, that was my reaction to the stanza about your girlfriend… I had a similar experience…the helplessness is what kills you, isn’t it? All you can do is watch. Drives you insane, doesn’t it? Thanks for sharing your indomitable spirit. PS, what style do you train in? --- Spreading insanity, one post at a time “Writing about darkness comes easily for me. I just close my eyes and write what I |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
I really do not know what to say Jason, I can't come up with fancy words but I don't think that's the way to go about it anyways, Maybe just a simplely that your poem was amazing, and I started to remember back when I went to junior high school back in Pa..and remembering the past 7yrs..and how I felt and how nobody understood and how alone I was..but just like you I've come along..though I can't see why I have sometimes..but you always seem to embody what I feel and what everybody else feels and I give major kudos to you, You have been given a great gift and you know how to use it..and me I've just got my foot in that door lastnight and hopefully one day I will have gotten as far as you have... Love, Kristen "I need more than a kiss, more than a lover, I'm just a world waiting to be discovered" -Chely Wright |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
That is so incredibly sad!!! I can say that I know what it's like for people to stay stuff to you and call you things becuase of how you look(if you've ever read anything of mine that's clearly obvious), but I've never gone through anything as intense and drastic as you have. I can't believe people can do those kinds of things. I agree defense is an option, maybe not beating someone completely senseless. I'm not the strongest girl in the world, so hitting usually doesn't work with me unless they really piss me off, but I've found insulting them back, or when they don't expect it, works also. They're just people too, even if they don't admit it, so they have feelings, and their feelings can be hurt. Sometimes you just have to find out exactly how. And Pleeeeeeeeease please please don't cut yourself anymore. If not for yourself, them for all of us here. Okay? Good luck to you my friend, just think, they'll get what's coming to them. so keep your chin up and keep writing and smile... Bel Beautiful is empty Beautiful is free Beautiful loves no one Beautiful stripped me -"Beautiful" CREED |
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mystique Junior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 22 |
Hi hon, You know who this is. I, too, know what it is like to be picked on and tormented everyday. I turned bullemic because of how many times I made myself sick to stay home from school. I cut myself also to erase the pain and revel in the comfort. I myself was raped by a family friend and no one believed me. I know and I survived some how. I understand and that is why I feel we are close we draw to each other because of past experiences. Remember Jay I am here for you. Love, mystique |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
Deranger, you speak the truth with every word my friend. Outnumbered yes, defensless no. I learned to fight with my mind long before I did anything with my fists. Its amazing how easy people are to manipulate when they think like cattle and move in herds. Anyway, I actually graduated high school a couple of years ago and that was when it all finally stopped. All except my revenge that is. As far as martial arts a couple of years ago a group of friends and I went out and got a bunch of books on the Tao of Jeet Kun Do. We started sparring and beating each other up and watching alot of Bruce Lee movies. I also have a friend that is opening a Dojo for Jujitsu(sp?). I've learned alot from him. Nothing seriously organized or anything. Anyway thanks for the reply. Kristen, yes I do feel your pain my dear. Lonelyness is just the beginning I think. In fact I think now that I am on the verge of insanity. I have more friends than I know what to do with but still I am so damn lonely. But life goes on and I know that it can't rain everyday. But thank you very much for your kind words. I take every one to heart. And I know that you will make it, you have to because your a poet and we allways choose the road less travelled on. And it makes all the difference. Isabele, well I know its sad but some poeple have it alot worse off than I do. Sometimes so bad that they see fit to end there lives. Such an unneccisary tragedy. It makes me happy to know that there are people out there that really do understand and care enough to say something about it. Don't worry about being able to fight. Like deranger said, "if someone walks all over you, just stay there untill they expose their back and then the day is yours." And I promise I won't cut myself anymore. I have gotten far past that stage in my life. Thank you very much. Mystique, Hey babe I'm kind of surprised to see you here. But I'm happy about it anyway. Thanks for being there for me, you know the same goes for you. Don't be a stranger here. I'll talk to you later! Luv ya! THANKS EVERYONE, YOU GUYS REALLY BLEW MY FREAKIN MIND. Jason Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disapear... -Metallica- |
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