Teen Poetry #3 |
My treasure |
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
I caught a piece of Heaven today A treasure more precious than gold And I am still in disbelief Of this treasure I got to behold But this treasure is fleeing, you see And I still don't know Why I had to give it up And let my treasure go Like a single drop of water Upon dry and thirsty lips The treasure teased as it went by Brushing my fingertips I waited all my life to touch This treat treasure, you see But a touch is all I got It wasn't meant to be And once again I have to behold It from afar, as before I'm grateful for the touch I got Although I wish for more I caught a piece of Heaven today A treasure more precious than gold Maybe if I held it tighter... I guess I'll never know "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
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© Copyright 2000 Erica N. - All Rights Reserved | |||
Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
this is a great poem. i think you should summit it for the book if you do you have my vote. good job I'm the lord, I'm the havoc, I'm the soul |
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Novacaine For The Soul Member
since 2000-05-26
Posts 122New Orleans |
dear lovebug, this is the first i've read of your work since i was here long ago under a different name... you've improved by leaps and bounds, i'm sincerely impressed... i can't say i care for the seperation of the last line from the last stanza... i think a reader that understands poetry will always read the last line with the weight it deserves without any editorial assistance from the writer... on a more personal note, it's good to see that you're the new moderator in the forum, it seems you're doing a wonderful job thank you for being willing to take on such a demanding task... and know that you ARE appreciated... sincerely, a sad tomato you're such a beautiful freak... i wish there were more just like you... |
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Crystalina123 Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228 |
Yes Lovebug you are appreciated as the moderator! I like his poem because it's so metaphorical. Heaven can mean so many different things to many people. For example the reader will never know whether "heaven" is a guy or that winning goal in the big game or the A in a hard class, etc. I agree with novacaine about the last line. I don't like the seperation but htta's all in taste. This WOULD be a good book submissin though! Love, Crystal Maybe God has us meet a few wrong people so that when we meet the right one we can truly appreciate the gift. |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Lovebug~ This is amazing!!!Wow what a poem...I feel as if I am speechless...But I have some things to say...I really love the way you ended this one...Wow Im glad that I got the chance to read it...(sorry that its a little late though)... It TaKeS a MiNuTe To LiKe SoMeOnE, aN hOuR tO hAvE a CrUsH oN sOmEoNe & A dAy To FaLl In LoVe, BuT iT tAkEs A lIfEtImE tO fOrGeT sOmEoNe. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I like the ending to this too, I think it's perfect. The repition is great too, nice poem |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Thanks for the replies, guys! Needless to say, I was surprised to see this topic back... but that makes me appreciate the feedback all the more. False gems may shine as brightly as the genuine article, but there are always those who can tell the difference. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I've never had the chance to read any of your poems before as far as i remember. I'm glad I did read this. Your description of events from this person's arrival to his departure from your life made me feel a lot of emotions. i love it I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
I enjoyed your thoughts in this Erica! It teases the reader to wonder just what beautiful treasure you held so fleatingly ... a lovely read! Best wishes, /Kit |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
THIS IS SOOOOO COOL!! sorry, had to get that outta my system. Wow, I really love this poem. It's just........amazing........yeah. You rock! *~Meredith~* I'll just keep on laughing, Hiding the tears in my eyes... *Oleander |
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sweetstuff101 Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375OK, USA |
that was awesome!! I really liked that! Great work, Keep writing!! Luv, ~*~SweetStuff~*~ ~*~ YeStErDaY iS tHe PaSt, 2mOrRoW iS ThE fUtUrE, ToDaY iS a GiFt, ThAt'S wHy We CaLl iT ThE pReSeNt. ~*~ |
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Caz Member
since 2000-09-13
Posts 133ConcepciĆ³n, Chile |
This is great, it's great to feel moderators close to us, and it's a good way to mee us. It's great that you become another one of us, maybe you should post poems here, I think we all want to hear from you. We really enjoy when you reply to our poems, so I think this is a good way to say thanks. Well, it's great that you share with us, and please post again. Bye. |
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