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Stained Blood
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Stained Blood |
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fonics17 Junior Member
since 2000-08-13
Posts 12 |
This is a poem my friend meredith and I wrote together. I wrot ethe first line and third line of the first stanza, she wrote the 2nd, and 4th, then i wrote the 2nd and fourth, etc, so we switched off line pairs each stanza, and man is it hard writing with two people, but Its such a great experience because it sort of melts the two people's thoughts together. Its like improvising in music with someone else...haha anyways, so here is the outcome, its untitled, but I just gave it this temporary title for now. Hope you enjoy it! -Chris The sun gazed through these leaves about Casting shadows upon the ground And splashed on my face; then withdrew Into this space devoid of sound The earth swirls at my feet below As I lift my head from beneath this tree And raised it to the heaves high above My hands clenched, hands which cannot see These bursting red bright apples that I hold Capturing a look from my lusty eye Dark red passions of sin about Lowering my head, I begin to cry I squeeze the fruit till its juices bleed Its life slips through my fingers onto the sand And dribbles down my forarm with sweet stickiness Now stained blood remains upon my hand. |
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| © Copyright 2000 fonics17 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Well, the title is perfect. So isnt this poem, its so deep and the imagery is wonderful, sometimes i think two people create a poem thats twice as good as a poem written by one, it creates diversity, you two did a superb job! You should consider trying more! Love, ,._-=-~^* Jeremy *^~-=-_., "I will know where I'm headed, cause I'm so tired of the suffering I stand before you, a weakened version of your reflection" ~DMX~ "Prayer III" |
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Lurdburger Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 39Carlisle, Cumbria, England |
I agree with Jeremy, I'd love to see more like this! |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
good poem...looks like you and your friend are a perfect match...for writing poetry...i cant wait to see more!!! ~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~ |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
This turned out very well. It seems that poetry written by two often works out great, I may have to try it sometime  Thanks for sharing this! |
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JR Junior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 22morris il |
fonics17, great personification in that poem you can almost see the apple gazing and bleeding great job and i hope to read more of your poetry. --JR |
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