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Open Poetry #6
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Elliott
Junior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 35
Chapel Hill, NC

0 posted 2000-04-12 12:00 PM


Oh, that I could blaspheme the mighty
In your presence, that it would make you feel better;
I’d stand on this mountaintop and
With bent brow curse the weather,
Forgetting that my life swayed as a tether
In the wind.

I would that I could buy time in a suitcase,
And bring it with me when I come to see you,
I’d give it in (earnest) verisimilitude,
And you might would come true,
And lie down with me  
For an eternity.

That I could one morning find your hair
In my drain, it’d be my gain
And I wouldn’t clean the &*^%@#$ sink,
As its uncleanliness made me think
Of you.

Please do not think me insane,
And if you do, if you decide to be vain and a prude,
Think of me as an insane man who sat down
And wrote this poem for you.

==========================
copyright Apr. 2000 by DEM



[This message has been edited by Elliott (edited 04-12-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Elliott - All Rights Reserved
Elliott
Junior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 35
Chapel Hill, NC
1 posted 2000-04-12 01:03 AM


nothin'? not a word?
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

2 posted 2000-04-12 01:11 AM


I would that I could buy time in a suitcase,
And bring it with me when I come to see you,
I’d give it in (earnest) verisimilitude,
And you might would come true,
And lie down with me  
For an eternity.

That I could one morning find your hair
In my drain, it’d be my gain
And I wouldn’t clean the &*^%@#$ sink,
As its uncleanliness made me think
Of you.
---------------
very well written words and emotions
really smooth rhyme flow and unique word choices
very cool metaphors...
you have a creative and unique stlye

hows that??
take care
jm



 Well the sun sets gently on your shoulders
And it makes me want to touch you there.
And the light in your eyes makes me feel
Like there's something much better out there
Something kind...
And I know someday I might be looking around
Trying to find some purpose
Well purpose it can't be that hard to find
As long as I've got the wind...
The wind and your love to carry me.
vertical horizon



Elliott
Junior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 35
Chapel Hill, NC
3 posted 2000-04-12 01:14 AM


LOL, Janet. you're a sweetie....forgive me, as i can at times demand attention.  
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
4 posted 2000-04-12 01:17 AM


Elliott~ and demand attention you should. This is very creative and should be noticed!   -SEA
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
5 posted 2000-04-12 02:54 PM


Elliot, Elliot, Elliot. We poets sometimes have need of sleep! Now that we are awake, we read with anticipation your wonderful poem....(I would suggest cleaning the drain though)..that's carrying love too far! LOL

I enjoyed this very much.  

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2000-04-12 02:58 PM


Elliot~
Delightfully amusing.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
7 posted 2000-04-12 05:32 PM


Interesting, well done poem, Elliot.
Elliott
Junior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 35
Chapel Hill, NC
8 posted 2000-04-12 06:22 PM


thanks.



[This message has been edited by Elliott (edited 04-12-2000).]

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