»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #6
»
Monochromatic
| Open Poetry #6 |
|
Monochromatic |
|
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
|
Pale(d) mem'ries o' jaded past (passed) adorned in o'ershadowed greys replete in fringed anticipation weathering- a wondered "will?" fraught nervous(ness) at forseen plenitude o' desired commiseration carelessly careening ‘neath one anxious heart; a-fluttered on fate-tugged wings o' plated steel (steal) whisp'ring silence slicing storm-stained skies searching destinations port. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Uh, me thinks Destination Port is somewhere just passed that Road to Nowhere Gen was taking... Let me know if you find it before I do. btw, this was ver colorful for being so darn "monochromatic". Great poem. Michael |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
WOW! OK - so obviously I'm not the only one getting into a bit more experimentation here... All in all - the techniques you use here work very well - I love this: on fate-tugged wings o' plated steel (steal) and I find your use of the apostrophe (such as in whisp'ring) very interesting - a little disconcerting definitely, yet it provides a challenge to the reader. Yep - I's approves!  K'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
||
|
Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Well then, isn't this the interesting little ditty...?  First off, I have to say that the way you played with words (past/passed, steel/steal) was very clever, especially since the play on words actually PERTAINED to the theme of the poem -- I have seen SO many that don't! Next, I am not a big fan of alliteration as it often appears obvious, but "weathering a wondered 'will'" and "silence slicing storm-stained skies" flowed nicely and were, in my not-so-humble opinion, as close to brilliant as I'll ever admit you've come. hehehe The last part of my comment will be, appropriately, about the ending; "searching destination's port" wrapped this up nicely in that it didn't REALLY wrap it up ... sort of like a fading note into the distance. Leaves you wondering, as I believe was your intent (and you know I'm never wrong)... -Me Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest |
||
|
Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I love the way you are playing with your reader in this piece. Definately makes one think. Very well done my friend. |
||
|
hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Extreamly clever...this one begs for publication |
||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Chris, Good technique, good words, good thoughts, good poem. Enjoyed the read. |
||
|
Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
With each poem, I see growth. You aren't afraid to experiment, nor are you afraid to play with words. You will probably always push the bounderies, something most of us will never even conceive. And that is meant as a high compliment, Christopher. Corinne |
||
|
Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
****Applause***** Colorful and elusive, so much like the poet himself, the true color is felt through the heart. To perceive visually gives only one dimension of what we seek, easily deceived but you captured the rest of the dimensions. I'm once again the recipient of your natural inclination to capture the essence of beauty. Thank you!! Now need I say.... ****ENCORE***** |
||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Christopher~ My God (gawd) this is brilliant ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
||
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Michael - The point was in the irony my friend! Kamla - I'm SO glad you approve! LOL, Thank you, you know your opinion is valued! Yes, I'm experimenting... another such as this is in the dark forum - Fain An' I Should See - Check it out! Kess - I don't know what to say... uhh... I really don't know how to respond to actual "niceness!"  Marilyn - I love doing just that, as you know... thank you!  Ruth - You think so? Perhaps... Seymor - Thank you for the read and comment! Corinne - Wow! Now that's a compliment! But remember, the only reason we can't do something, is because we've convinced ourselves that we can't!  Butterflies - Wow! Now you've made me *blush*!!! Thank you for the high compliments, I'm so glad you appreciate my efforts!!! Through you, they've been made successful! Marge - My god (gawd) you're making my ego bulge!!! [This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 03-14-2000).] |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
