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pharon
Member

since 1999-11-13

Posts 251
alabama

0 posted 2000-03-08 02:58 PM

hey all! i am a fairly new poet and would like some 'contructive' criticism(s/p) anyway -- here's my latest......

Empty

sitting here alone
i watch all the faces,
the empty faces walking by.
i wonder who they are,
what they're thinking,
behind those empty stares.
some glance my way
and give a little smile.
none dare to stop.
that would be
too much of a risk,
then we might start talking
that would ruin everything!
they wouldn't be able to hide
behind those empty faces.

Danny Holloway
Member Elite

since 2000-01-15

Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK

1 posted 2000-03-08 03:12 PM

Nice piece I think. Interesting perspective on those "faces" that walk by, by the thousands. I have often wondered similar things. One of the nice things about Passions is our ability to be expressive and enjoy reading other's poetry and getting to know them through creative writing without knowing them personally. Good way to make a first impression and lasting impression.

I like this piece the way you have written it. I think the impact of your thoughts reached your pen.
Well done. and Welcome.

poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite

since 1999-07-25

Posts 2646
Arkansas

2 posted 2000-03-08 04:27 PM

hehe Funny how you said that "talking ruins everything".....that can be sooo true! LOL I've met some "brilliant" people, and would still hold them dear to me, had I just not have had to deal with them one on one! hehe Once we met - BOOM! Instant calamity! hehehe I like your perception, your thoughts. Danny gave you a real good reply, and I echo all he said. Welcome to Passions...feel free to share all your thoughts with us. I think you'll find it's a nice place to be.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

3 posted 2000-03-08 07:08 PM

This is good, but I have personal preference for caps when necessary... Welcome to the family!

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