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| Open Poetry #6 |
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Time |
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eyesplus2 Member
since 2000-03-02
Posts 163australia |
....tic....tock....tic....tock..........the time goes on........beat....beat.......the heart beats..........the time of our life....follows the beat of the clock......but the time of our love follows the beat of our hearts.......never ending...........beating together as one beat.........the beat of life.........the beat of joy....the beat of happiness....the beat of love......I love you so........tic....tock......beat.......beat........ |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I'm going to suggest the same thing on this one...your poetry makes a great deal of sense, but as it is presented is hard to deal with...again, perhaps try something like: tic tock tic tock the time goes on beat beat beat beat the heart beats the time of our life follows the beat of the clock but the time of our love follows the beat of our hearts never ending beating together as one beat the beat of life the beat of joy the beat of happiness the beat of love I love you so tic tock beat beat |
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