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Critical Analysis #2
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aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448
Universal Mind

0 posted 2002-01-13 11:39 PM


When I look into the mirror at night
I see a useless visage of a rose
whose beauty admit no light.
And whose heart shares no shade of its beauty
with her idle nature destroying her petals
and revelling in the earthly dust.
When the dust returns to the ground
so does her future and her life- taken
by the breath of foolishness.

//please comment on my puntuations and metaphor. My parents think I don't know how to use metaphor.

Eliza Simmons
~Flower lasts so an hour, yet spring will brings her back to life again.

© Copyright 2002 Eliza Simmons - All Rights Reserved
mauddib
Member
since 2002-01-12
Posts 119
melbourne australia
1 posted 2002-01-16 05:23 PM


When i look at the picture on the right, I see what the mirror sees,
I see no useless vissage so should you.
You are on the right track with metaphor, however just some small points,
Beauty does not admit light, it shares it, it gives it whether we want it or not. whether we notice it or not
becare not to mix past and present tense
When the dust returns... taken by the breath
good lines but past and present mingles there
I hope this helps
take care and God bless.

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448
Universal Mind
2 posted 2002-01-17 10:41 PM


thanks. That's really help.

Eliza Simmons
~Flower lasts so an hour, yet spring will brings her back to life again.

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