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Critical Analysis #2
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The Cave
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The Cave |
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RedStoneEB Senior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 772uk 
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its not yet finished but i need some comments on it im sure this area will surely do that so just give me some of your thoughts on what i have written so far thanks __________________________________________ Awoken by the soft call of the wind in my dreams As it gently blows the coldness over my skin Slowly wishing I was drifting back into my sleep Knowing that the world around had changed My head began to throb like, Someone beating a drum A drum in my mind I ache bruised and cold This place I did not know Was I dreaming, will I ever know? I spun falling into darkness Confusion washing over mind As awareness flooded over me Feelings softness beneath myself Looking down I saw skins of fur Spread over the floor like carpet Covering the dirt on the ground Thoughts rushing through me This is not where I once lay Where had this dream taken me And for what special propose An I searching for an answer Somewhere deep inside I started to panic as shock caught me in its grip I wondered through hour’s maybe days As I took in the world that lay before my eyes Shock slowly faded away from my sight As it left me in this world of loneliness Now alone I began to check my surroundings Watching the walls turning shadowy and dim [This message has been edited by RedStoneEB (06-10-2003 06:54 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Lee Hepworth - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
ok, here ya go "Awoken by the soft call of the wind in my dreams As it gently blows the coldness over my skin Slowly wishing I was drifting back into my sleep Knowing that the world around had changed" Perhaps, try this "Awakened by the soft call of the wind in my dreams"... "as it gently blew its coldness" Read it back again, outloud. Sometimes that can help you find where the flow is awkward. Have fun! [This message has been edited by Midnitesun (06-10-2003 03:33 PM).] |
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