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Critical Analysis #2
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jenn21e
Junior Member
since 2003-02-11
Posts 10


0 posted 2003-02-21 03:02 PM



Revised edition...better?  in need of more major revisions?  what do you think?

Twenty-four

Behind the door awaits a dawning morn
soft pinks creep out across cool fainting night
and with the dawn’s brisk entry, our love is torn.
though the night is gone, I glimpse a new star-light.

Slim feet set out to find the one who waits
as thoughts flow by like water down a mill.
So weary, heavy feet are my dead-weight
I sink down low upon a window sill.

The sun’s sharp blades have battered me to pieces
without caress of night the search is shriveled, brown-dry.
Daylight’s scorching reds assail tender flesh, pain increases
then night’s return; is there any aloe nearby?

And what of his return, will he come?
And me, will I yet again succumb?



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