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A Secular Jonah
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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A Secular Jonah |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass 
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I'm at a loss here. I simply don't know what to do with this, if anything. I've shown it to a couple of friends, who have made some suggestions, but I'd like to have as many viewpoints as I can before I start to rewrite it. Anybody up for a challenge? The title will make you think it's a religious poem, but it's not. Thanks in advance for anything you care to post. Ed Ratledge, AKA Ratleader Jonah The whole town has come out to drag the boats Into the water, gawking at the dead man That the storm washed in. I hear the shock Go through them as I rise to stumble up the Gravel bar, still retching from the stench and salt. The tide is low, but still the reek of fish Embedded in my nostrils overpowers all. What shall I say to them? What say, Abomination that I am, thrown overboard by sailors, Then rejected even by the fish? I sickened it, And how shall I not sicken them as well? What shall I say to them, how see what I must say, I with no rights here, neither parents nor a history, Children nor a future, my naked skin burned raw By fish guts and the sun? What shall I say? How start, where I cannot abide, to say what I Cannot abide, and they will not abide? How bring them Toward what they must be already lest they slay me? What shall I say, I, sent here with a message, For a message, as a message? They draw back, And I have reached the boats, but still they stare, For I am naked to the skin, beyond the skin, Pierced by their eyes. What shall I say here? I, a freak to them, a spectacle, how begin? “Behold!” ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
This reads much more like an introductory paragraph to a story or novel... very prosey, I really don't see much of a poem here except in the line breaks... I would suggest that you do away with those and flesh your idea out into a story- you have a good start. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
....yes, prosey is right....I could go completely into prose with it, or maybe work on getting rid of that as an inherent weakness, and giving it the kind of substance that would make it more viable as a poem. My insight didn't go beyond "What would it have been like for the poor b------, stumbling up the beach like that..." so I'd probably have a harder time trying to make a story of it than in doing wrench-work on it as a poem. Thanks for posting -- you've put some very valuable lines on my map! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
You know what might limit the prosey element? Cutting out the amount of questions you have inserted. However, that might defeat the point of the entire piece - as you might then have to change your perspective, or the way you have handled it. Prose poetry is an acceptable form of poetry. It just has to be balanced - the right amount of 'prose' with the right amount of 'poetry'. How do you find that balance? Here's a site with some examples of prose poems: http://www.greatriverarts.org/mainpages/stu_poems_01.htm and a discussion on the meaning of prose poetry (though needs a bit of wading through) http://www.webdelsol.com/Double_Room/DR1-EdIntro.htm  K |
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