Ego - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #2

Ego

Rainbowdust
Member

since 2002-12-05

Posts 320
Sydney, Australia

0 posted 2002-12-19 03:35 AM

Have you ever really seen the way,
A flower stalk bends and never breaks
When a bee or butterfly stops to drink
The nectar that it makes?

Do you pause to embrace
The smell of rain about to fall,
Or the stars scattered across the sea
After a summer squall?

Will you always take for granted
The miracle of fate,
Just because you feel cheated
Or abandoned as of late?

Are you too afraid to see the beauty
In tears from a broken heart?
In the sudden death of one you loved
In two sweethearts forced apart?

Have you ever stopped to appreciate
The universe in a drop of dew?
Or will your ego always mean,
You wait for everything to notice you?

The soul would have no rainbows, had the eyes no tears.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2002-12-21 05:18 PM

quote:
Are you too afraid to see the beauty
In tears from a broken heart?
In the sudden death of one you loved
In two sweethearts forced apart?

Expand on this more. The first two stanzas aren't really necessary as that's what most people expect from a poem. Keep the rhyme scheme but explore this counter-intuitive idea a lot more. This could be really interesting.

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-21

Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

2 posted 2003-01-07 11:42 PM

I agree somewhat with Brad -- but the last strophe has some power in it too.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.