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Critical Analysis #2
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Untitiled (Really Short)
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Untitiled (Really Short) |
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nams New Member
since 2002-09-25
Posts 5 |
Sunshine's coming; just on the horizon Though I don't know from which way I'm tired of being told it's the East, Or that it should be the West. In the end, does it matter? Sunshine's still coming. [This message has been edited by nams (09-26-2002 10:55 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 nams - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Hi! Welcomed to the forum! I enjoy reading short poetry and I like this one. Here are my modifications for your evaluation: Does It matter? Sunshine is still coming from the horizon. But I don't know from which way. I am tired of being told it's East, or that it's West. In the end, does it matter? Sunshine's still coming! Taking the advice of the moderator I will try the best I can to reconstruct what I had said originally so that further comments can be better understood. This poem I perceived on two levels. One was the metaphysical, where a question is asked and begs for an answer which seems clear--Yes, if the sun were to be unpredictable and rise from day to day from an unexpected direction it certainly would matter. First, we must keep in mind that science is based on predictability. If nature ceases to be predictable science based on induction which generates deductive premises becomes impossible. Actually, much of earth's nature is sun-regulated. The tides, bird migration, sea currents, air currents, crops, hibernation, and so on are all affected by it. The sun rising unpredictably would affect all these. Navigation by using the sun as a guide would become meaningless as well. Our conclusions concerning WHY the sun SEEMS to rise and set [earth's rotation] would also have to be discarded or modified. But despite these inherent subject ramifications, I understood your poem mainly as a protest against inept annoying teaching methods which cause some students to rebel. [This message has been edited by Radrook (09-27-2002 01:09 AM).] |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
yes compact and effective....still I agree with radrook for the most part. By applying a gentle edit to the current form it can be perhaps even more effective... Nicely done..and I'll look for more to come from you pen and to be shared with us. I personally am a fan of short terse verse.. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello Nams, And welcome to the CA forum. I too like Radrook's suggestion. He fixes the problem in the original of repeating still so close together. In this context, the word seems to carry too much importance to be repeated so close. Check your email. Pete |
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nams New Member
since 2002-09-25
Posts 5 |
Checked. Thanks for the responses. |
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nams New Member
since 2002-09-25
Posts 5 |
Also, I would say what the poem is actually about, but it would get into my own history in real life, so I won't. I will, however, give you a hint. The east and the west were intended to symbolize choices, the 'sunshine' happiness, or contentedness at least. |
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Robtm1965 Member
since 2002-08-20
Posts 263 |
Nams The poem has left you. You can if you wish tell us what particular thoughts were in your mind at the time of writing it, but this reader for one is completely uninterested in those. This is a good instance of an interesting poem which speaks for itself and quite clearly may speak to, and maybe even help, different people in completely different ways. I thought Radrook posted an thought provoking interpretation but he seems unfortunately to have deleted it (or I may have got the wrong poem). In any event that interpretation was quite valid and he clearly enjoyed the experience of reading (as I did) so I would say you have a good, and successful, poem here. Rob |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Rob makes a good point above. As in this case, a thread was started and some comments made on it. Then the original poem was changed and some comments were also. This makes some of the other comments nonsensical because the original reason for them may be changed or missing entirely. If you made a mistake in a post then go ahead and correct it. If, however, you are making changes to the poem based on responses, it is much more useful to everyone if the original remains intact. That way we can all hope to learn something from the resulting dialog. It is fine to try changes within the responses to your own work. And, if you significantly revise it, it is fine to repost as a revision in a new thread. This, of course, is just a suggestion in hopes of helping everyone make more sense of our discussions and, in the end, learn ways to improve our own writing. Thanks all, Pete |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Welcome to Passions, Nams. Sunshine's always coming...sometimes we just open our eyes. You had some good suggestions here; looking forward to your next post. |
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nams New Member
since 2002-09-25
Posts 5 |
Honestly, I'm quite well aware that as soon as I wrote it, and posted it here, I lost say in it's 'True' meaning. I was just saying what it meant to me. What it means to others is just as valid. |
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