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Queen of the Mere
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Queen of the Mere |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Queen of the Mere The argent nightsurrounded moon full, in the heyday of its noon sate like a union in a pouch, glanced like a lady from her couch, surveying with a kenny eye winds and moods- the soul of the sky. No clouds intruded on her gaze no folds of night disturbed her phase like Cleopatra in warm milk or in a gown of luscious silk thus did she bathe in summer air and luxuries of heaven's care. Soon, looked evenlong to a mere whose glassy face a grace did rear. From off its sandy verge, with pride in regal plumes to swiftly glide, the remeant Queen filled her sight then like a dream on wings, took flight. [This message has been edited by Essorant (08-30-2002 08:23 PM).] |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
I enjoyed this poem both for its traditional meter and rhyme as well as for the predominantly effective and imaginative use of metaphors. Especially captivating were the similes referring to Cleopatra. I also found that the use of archaic words added to the spellbinding scenery of a full silver moon regally aloft and queen of all she surveyed. In short, the trip to the dictionary was well worth the effort in reference to this work of art. Question: Why use the adjective "argent" when "silver" conveys a readily clear and recognizable image while "argent" doesn't? The word "kenny" confused me. Neither was there a suitable definition in the dictionary. So the word remains--in my case--not understood. The imagery is acceptably clear up to the Cleopatra similes. Then things became a little vague. The adjective "remeant" wasn't in the dictionary so it conveyed no image to my mind. Conclusion: I can read this poem over and over and never tire of reading it! You have great talent in weaving a spellbinging scenario my friend! Hope that my suggestions are understood as simply being my sincere effort to be helpful. God bless! [This message has been edited by Radrook (08-30-2002 10:22 PM).] |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
Hi Essorant, I'm not really a rhyme person but I did like this, it flowed quite well for me and you have some nice images in here. However, I did have a problems after the 12th line, it gets confusing as to what you are referring to. I had no problem with argent but I was wondering about the kenny eye. -in the heyday of its noon-- I liked that and am I correct in thinking that it means midnight? -winds and moods-the soul of the sky-- nice -thus did she bathe-- perhaps... thus she did bathe? Just a thought and it would even sound good I think as-- she bathed in summer air-- don't know, I'm really just thinking out loud here and jotting it down as I go. Other than that, I liked it. caterina |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Radrook: Grand Merci. I guess "argent" was mostly for exotic gust, seldom does one come across it anymore it seems, but I think your right about the clarity aspect, would "silvern" chime in ok? "kenny" is an adjective from "ken"-- "to know" or "the scope/range of view or perception"---its like saying "knowy" it is also a reference to my Australian poetfriend Janet Kenny, she has shrewd eye for all things which reflects in her realistic poetries. Basically, I made it up  "remeant" obsolete and means is "returning"--it just sounds better to me. I'm sorry about the vagueness it graduates into, I don't even totally understand what it is anymore, but I wanted something of suggesting the moons reflection, coming of a dream, and the coming of day all being like swan, if it at least suggests a swan--I will be happy. Is there any way I could clarify this...I wanted to say this concisely as possible, but I'm not sure if the vagueness is due or undue. Thank you again for your comments and help. Take care, Essorant Caterina: Grand Merci. Yes, this is begins at midnight, and as I said to Radrook some of the vagueness is to suggest move toward a dream, reflection or day, or we could just call it twilight. I like your suggestion about "thus", but am also thinking about changing it to: "sublime (or "aloft" or "on high") she bathed..." Would one of these phrases sound a bit better?? Thanks for taking time to read and comment. Take care, Essorant [This message has been edited by Essorant (08-31-2002 01:43 PM).] |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
Hi Essorant, You know, I know the word ken-- being part Scots myself... but when I saw it written as kenny it just did not register. I understand it now as a knowing eye... but does "kenny" written as such mean what you want it to mean/or is there such a word as kenny at all? Just wondering. And yeah, I think sublime would work just fine. Hey, a good write. caterina |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
HI Essorant, Not sure if my comments will be helpful or are mere nit picking, but I have a few thoughts on the poem. The repetition of the word "like" is a bit grating, especially in lines three and four, I don't know if there are any rules against double similes but I feel it upsets the flow of the poem. Using the word "as" or using metaphors would give a more diverse feeling to the poem, som eof the images are strong and show off good poetic skill, "sate like a union in a pouch, Soon, looked evenlong to a mere whose glassy face a grace did rear. From off its sandy verge, with pride" where as others have less strength, I appreciate the effort it takes to get a sucessful rhyming scheme, you have the ability to get interesting rhymes but I feel that some of the lines need a bit of fine tuning in order to give the poem more punch. This is just a quick critique of the poem as I don't have much time right now. I hope I have been of some help. I enjoyed the read. The sum of the angles of that rectangle is too monstrous to contemplate! [This message has been edited by brian madden (08-31-2002 06:36 PM).] |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Caterina "kenny" --"knowing" it exists in my dictionary, probably not in yours though Thank you again for your comments and most of all enjoying the read. Take care, Essorant Hi Brian I agree with you toward much of your saying, especially the "like" aspect, now that I perpend on that. But most of all your point about the rhyme ...I love rhyme and have strived with every inch of me every poem I've written to at least always have good rhyme best I can, and believe I reached a good usage here. If I daresay without seeming arrogant. To me it has always been the highest merit to the superficial or structural part of a poem. I I have been most influenced to higher esteem by the works of Sir Walter Scott. Not even Shakespeare rhymed as well as him. But thats just my bend.Thank you for taking the time to read and critique. take care, Essorant. |
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YeshuJah Member
since 2002-08-20
Posts 65FL USA |
No kidding, this read like something out of Joyce- I wouldn't change a thing. |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Thank you YeshuJah. I'm glad you enjoyed the read. |
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