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Critical Analysis #2
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Russell8624
Member
since 2006-11-28
Posts 99
Minnesota

0 posted 2006-12-29 03:06 AM


Here is one I wrote yesterday that has a clearer message. Thanks to all who gave their advice in my other threads, as I have no given up on that particular work and moved on.


Here I am,
Among these comfortable liars.
Leaning with them,
Whispering together in false tones.
I will always remember their trained expressions;
gestures with no meaning.

This is the land of make believe
Yet still,
it believes not in me.
I am fabricated as they are,
enveloped in my own contempt.

I trade my thoughts for echoes,
mere replications of a collective mind.
I cannot react or motion,
Without a force not my own.

This is our reality
This is our fantasy

These are our dreams,
These are our waking moments.

Life is none but a fallacy.
A pointless endeavor ,
of which we play no part.

For together we are,
alone,
We are not.

I am a prisoner among them

If one dies,
We all die.

© Copyright 2006 Russell - All Rights Reserved
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
1 posted 2006-12-29 06:20 PM


Way clear , very nice. It seemed kinda prosey in places to me.
Russell8624
Member
since 2006-11-28
Posts 99
Minnesota
2 posted 2006-12-29 11:00 PM


Define "Prosey"
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
3 posted 2006-12-31 08:50 PM


If you meant it to be a poem, comes out as if  I deletd the spaces and added words here and words here , It would be prose.
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