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Critical Analysis #2
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Living Life
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Living Life |
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Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
What if my life changed tomorrow Or I slept the sleep of death Would I leave a trail of sorrow As I struggle for each breath? Would I have time to make amends To those that I have wronged And tell my beloved friends How much I've loved them all along? What if I should live But the life that I once knew Came crashing down around me And my world was all askew, Would I have the courage To accept it and go on Or bemoan my fate forever Mourning a life that now is gone? In death, you have no choice As to when it comes to call In life...there is no timetable When tragedy will be befall There are no second chances In this life that we are living NOW is the only time we have To be loving and forgiving Live each day completely As though it were your last Cherish each and every moment For life goes by too fast Copyright©2004Beatrice Boyle (All rights reserved) |
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| © Copyright 2006 Beatrice Boyle - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
This is a little too Chicken Soup for the Soul for me. CS |
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Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
The thing about chicken soup Christian, is that though simple...it's good for you. There is a vast majority of people out there who do not "get" true poetry and prose, however they respond best to simple truths dating back to what they learned as children. THIS is the audience that I seem to connect with, with what I laughingly call "Grandma's nuggets of wisdom."  Like the man says..."whatever turns you on". Merry Christmas...Happy Holidays..Happy New Year. Bea  |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Bea Incredibly valid point. Merry Christmas to you. Have a safe holiday. CS |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I agree with both of you |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: Indeed. I don't have time right now but that field day is coming. Brace yourself! On the other hand, it does give me a chance to explain why these poems don't really work and that's not a bad thing. |
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Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
Brad...I await your critique in fear and trembling...it's enough to make a girl pig out this Christmas...what have I got to lose!  Have a wonderful Christmas. Bea |
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kaila Junior Member
since 2006-12-24
Posts 37PA |
Beatrice, I'm new here, so this is the first of your poems I have read. I get your point about simplicity. I think that you do/will connect with those who want to be inspired or uplifted. I feel your passion and encouragement. :-) I must confess that I am a bit of a "nudge" or pain (sorry) about meter. I want meter to be consistent or to change/adjust purposefully. I think that metrically the poem needs some work to enhance the poetry of your thoughts. |
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Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
Hi Kaila...welcome to PiP. You're going to love it here...I do, and am a newbie here myself. As for the meter...I must confess to a weakness there as I am a musician and former drama student and "feel" it as I would recite it...sounds perfectly fine to me...but that's purely subjective. I must follow the rules...that's why I posted it here to receive the tweaking I deserve so "tweak" away. Bea Grandma Bea |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Quick note of apology: with the holidays and such, I couldn't find the time to properly tear this to shreds. And then, with what little time remained, I found myself trying to finish up my own thing (see below. It's not finished but it's a start.). I'll let someone else scan it properly, but metric rules, of course, are just a way to codify rhythm. The fun part with breaking the rules is that we can argue over how words sound (ex: How many syllables does orange have?). In a nutshell, what's the problem here: I suppose it's true that poems such as this will always be more popular than the stuff I like, but to a large extent is that because people like it more or because it can be skimmed quickly and agreed with in even less time? Who disagrees with the sentiment? Who can disagree with the sentiment and get away with it? If your poem is a truism, then my strongest criticism would be another one: How can something be satisfying if it's not challenging? |
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Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
Your point is well taken Brad...I must confess to being too lazy/old (take your pick) to go more in depth with my work. I've been writing for almost 30 years, having come upon it quite suddently one night when trying to compost a special valentine for my husband, and it just took off from there. (Mostly spiritual writings, simple prayers etc.) I have a "thing" about reciting prayers from rote like little children. I have a feeling the Lord appreciates some conversation, not ritual chanting, so I wrote them as they came to me. The last thing they were intended to be were challenging. Ergo my "CHATTING WITH GOD" collection was born. I've never had any formal training in writing and at this juncture, I think I would lose that intimate quality that most of my readers expect from me. I'm well aware that it is crude and unstructured in the eyes of qualified poets, but I think that's where I'm supposed to be...connecting with people in a way they can relate to and feel that I truly can understand their pain without talking down to them or (as one of my readers has said) their having to read it two or three times to understand what I am trying to say. Having said that, I posted here to get your and others feedback on how I can improve it, and I thank you for taking the time to respond and I hope you will again in the future when I post some of my other work. Bea  Grandma Bea |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Fair enough. Of course, I still think you can do both. And since you mentioned chatting, that is the intended goal of CA. It is not a workshop (I know everyone seems to think it is, but we already have one of those.) This is where you can talk about poetry as poetry, offer opinions and/or whatnot, try out new things and see what people say. It is not limited to structure though that's fun to talk about, and it's not limited simply to passing judgement but, of course, that's inevitable. It always amazes me that people, being what they are, light up when they talk about their own poetry so what better place to start than their own stuff? So chat away, we look forward to it. |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
I really like this. THe chicken soup like appealed to me. I think that really helped it to go together. The rythmn made it easy to read. |
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Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
Hi Rhia...grab a soup spoon and join me in a little chicken soup...it's just what the doctor ordered! Bea  |
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Beatrice Boyle Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438 |
Brad...the last thing you want to do is tell me to "chat away"....you know I will! lol Bea  |
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