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Critical Analysis #2
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Darkness.
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Darkness. |
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han_tigger Member
since 2002-08-10
Posts 50Thundersley, Essex, Uk |
Darkness. The man stood in the dark, Cloak as black as night, His eyes stars in the darkness. In the deep courtyard, Barely noticeable, A shadow in the night, A flicker by candle light. No more than a breath from the breeze, A silent wave caressing the shore, A mere flutter from a butterflies wing. The silent footprints in the sand, The muted passing of a cloud. He flaps his cloak, A birds wings as it tentatively flies away. Concealed in the shadows, In a blink of an eye, A feeling. The softess grass, Alike as the very air we breathe. Motionless, past watching eyes, Stirring with the breeze. I perceive him there. Not quite visible. He creeps, unnoticed, He’s walked this path many times. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Hannah Inglis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Hi! I enjoyed the imagery very much! The poem was effective in evoking in me a mood of the mysterious--the unknown--the feared. A sense of wonder about the man's identity also became pervasive. Is he a personification of fear of the unknown? Why is he there? Where is there? Who is he? Why does he seem to be is hiding and from whom? All these questions emerged as I read the poem. I was a bit distracted by some minor things. The softess grass, The softest grass? A birds wings A bird wings? A bird's wings? I also had difficulty imagining this cloaked figure creeping and then suddenly walking. Perhaps better to use the verb "moves" which does not clash with "walks" but complements it. Variety can be added if you wish by substituting "shroud" for cloak and thus avoiding repetition. BTW The poem also evoked in me religious sentiments since "courtyard" is a religious symbol which can be used to allude to what occurred when Jesus was taken to be tried by the Sanhedren and Peter denied him three times in the courtyard. So for a few seconds there--I wondered wheather the subject was not about this particular incident. All in all, a very nice poem! |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I thought the ambiguity worked well in this work. My suggestion would be to condense in order to concentrate the meaning into less words OR to add more specific descriptions. As a side note, I thought pink was a peculiar choice for a poem called "darkness" Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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