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Critical Analysis #2
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The Fallen Men revised
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The Fallen Men revised |
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Russell8624 Member
since 2006-11-28
Posts 99Minnesota |
I voices echo across the desert, Finding the wind a bitter friend. Lives that remain have alas escaped, but still they are lost, Still they forget. Wise men struggle and cling to their complacent thoughts, And the rocks that were their foundations begin to crumble. Men whose pride only gold could tarnish flee from tides of suffering, And the those who are blind stumble away. We are the fallen men, The stiff men. Staked in fields of desolation we feel nothing but the sting, The cold frail bite of the winter. We are the frail men. one by one we lose our breath, scraping our knees as we fall on the stones, Weeping for a thought, we stare in horror at the blood on our hands. Where is mother and her cloth. Nothing more than a whisper, Carried by the wind. II Men of War, the battle is with yourselves, And the fields are strewn with meaningless endeavor. Who can forget the pride once felt When all around you is a plague, All around you is a fault. How rich becomes the vagrant, He made a scoundrel of his profits. What fault can men find in the eyes of friendship, When they have made an enemy of everything. But not of death. The ruler of life is death, crowned by the mortality of souls, It's tower rises above the land of the living. Yet ere the table of wrath holds court, lord death still slips the poison. III shameless men now hear the cry: men of shelter Men of shame Men of weakness Men of change Fields of anger Sewn in blood Men of power Men of god Men of frailty Fruitless vine Men on conscience Men of mind Forgone anger Turned to dust Men of hatred Men of lust Men of blood Men of pain Men of death Gone insane IV The Man of Hope. Man of hope O' Man of hope, Burn nothing but the gardens. The stakes of wilted valor, Parched by the dust of wind. Can you see the veil? the veil of the selfish, unraveling to a thread, while the cup of envy passes spilling not a drop. Who can say they are not wicked, What man has not suffered an empty void. What man can stand up and say I am not empty. They glance with the eyes of hypocrisy , But they cannot say, The fallen man is me. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Russell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
I think personally that you have too many abstract nouns. YOu need more imagery , let us see this picture. Clarify whose blood is on their hands? |
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Russell8624 Member
since 2006-11-28
Posts 99Minnesota |
The blood is their own. What do you mean, abstract nouns? |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Abstract nouns: Nouns name people, places, and things. One class of nouns is abstract. Your five senses cannot detect this group of nouns: you cannot see them, cannot hear them, cannot smell them, cannot taste them, and cannot feel them. cs |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
I meant also in the poem |
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