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Rebirth Of A Nation
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Rebirth Of A Nation |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States 
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Rebirth Of A Nation The towers have fallen All around the world we hear voices calling For our loved one’s lost today We share our tears with the world as we pray Why did this have to be? Why did these terrorist’s take our love one’s from you and me? Our lives forever changed, our world will never be the same With tears streaming down our faces again we call their name This tragedy has changed us forever Now we must join forces to become stronger than ever The loved one’s we lost this day was not in vain Their lives sacrificed to bring us all together again The time for healing is now We must stand together somehow A stronger nation was reborn today from this tragedy A nation standing together for all the world to see Paul D. Wilson 9-13-01 Dedicated To The Victims of 9-11-01 |
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| © Copyright 2002 Paul D. Wilson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
I guess I will be the brave one. |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello Paul, and hello to all those I have not spoken with in a long time. It's nice to see that this place is still truck'n along. Now for the poem. Whatever I say, please, remember that I'm just giving an opinion. My comments are directed at the poem and not the poet: "The towers have fallen All around the world we hear voices calling" Consider adding descriptions and expanding on the idea here. You have said a lot with these two sentences yet you have told the reader nothing. What towers? What did they look like? What did they represent? Where were they? Who is calling, what are they saying?, and so forth. "For our loved one’s lost today We share our tears with the world as we pray" Consider keeping a steady meter in each stanza throughout the entire poem. It creates a better flow if you can accomplish this. As far as content with this stanza it was kind of cliched but still it worked as is. "Why did this have to be? Why did these terrorist’s take our love one’s from you and me?" The meter is really noticeable different in this stanza in comparison to the last two and I found it to be distracting and awkward. "Our lives forever changed, our world will never be the same With tears streaming down our faces again we call their name" Again, consider adding more meat to give the reader something more to chew on. I kinda liked this stanza though, at least the flow of it after a couple reads. "This tragedy has changed us forever Now we must join forces to become stronger than ever" "Forever" and "ever" doesn't seem to be a good rhyming couple. Consider using something else. "The loved one’s we lost this day was not in vain Their lives sacrificed to bring us all together again" Again in this stanza I found the meter to be off in a distracting way. My opinion is that flow is important in a poem. It helps create a beat, mood and rhythm(how do you spell that?) that allows the reader to more easily follow the poem through each stanza. Now I'm not saying mixing up the flow isn't a good idea in some poetry, however, in this case, I think its probably unintentional and detracts rather than add to this particular piece. "The time for healing is now We must stand together somehow" "A stronger nation was reborn today from this tragedy A nation standing together for all the world to see" Like I said earlier I found the change in meter throughout the poem really distracting and I thought your rhyming scheme was a little forced. If you have trouble with that form perhaps consider using free-verse to explore your ideas regarding the tradgedy. Also you might want to expand on your ideas to add more colour to the picture. Anyways, thanks for letting me read your poem. Take care, Trevor |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Trevor... Thank you for your comments. I've just started writting and haven't a clue as to what meter flow description or meat means to a poem. Crude as it may be, I write with the words from my heart I really don't have any formal schooling in writting. I want to learn all that I can about writting and hope that with time & guidence from experienced people as yourself I will learn what I need to and become a better writter. Again Thank You for being honest with me. Paul |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Paul, I just had an emergency and have to leave but I did want to welcome you to the group. We aren't experts by any means but we all are trying to improve our skills. Jump in and try to help others and I feel sure you will get a lot of help in return. That's what makes this place work. Pete |
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