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Silence at the Newsstand
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Silence at the Newsstand |
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myanocsk New Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 3 |
Silence at the Newsstand Emerging at 72nd and Broadway I glance over an old man sitting atop a cardboard heap next to the newsstand. Drenched by last night’s rain, settled down into the sidewalk, steam rising from his gray wool overcoat on this 90 degree day. Planted directly beside the newsstand, it is hard to miss him as I pass, change in hand. A tattered coffee cup leans out towards me and I cannot help but notice the coins and the odd dollar bill stuffed down inside. As people exit the subway, hurrying away, some are forced, as I am today, to step over his residence. I turn, newspaper in hand, as we come face to face. Spellbound I study the dirt caked cheeks. I stare at the redness in his eyes, the stain on his tattered shirt, one black shoe, one brown. As I turn towards my destination I drop a five into his cup and keep walking, head down fighting away the images I’ve just seen, and trying to expunge the guilt I feel as I realize that I cannot fix this disease- this homelessness. |
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croyles Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 102 |
Welcome to the critical analysis forum; where i am going to be honest with you. You have a lot of nice imagery in this poem, yet it did not strike me. What you have to do is find a way that your words (either sophisticated or not) that you think will strike the reader as it strikes you, so that at the end - where you seemingly tried to give a shock with a metaphor or simile (cant remember which one is which), but failed to strike me). If you are trying to convey your guilt and sadness for a begger in this poem - like it seems so at the end - then maybe use a metre or form thats specific for the feelings. Also - just my opinion - seems a little long for such a small thought. But on the whole, it was a nice read. "When I do right; no one remembers, when I do wrong; no one forgets." Ever heard of this quote? It is a hundred percent true in all ways, foremostly, this is just one: If you write a poem, the bad things will stick out more for the readers than the good things youve put into it, unless they get really good. My point here is, dont be discorouged by me. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Myanocsk - welcome to our forums... Now, I don't critique critiques too often but I'm going to make an exception here... I find it disconcerting that a person who doesn't know the difference between a simile and a metaphor can proceed to critique a poet for inserting either one or the other when that poet hasn't actually done so...and then go on to tell that poet that he/she needs to find a form or metre more fitting to the 'feeling'? Huh?  Brief, basic lesson: Simile - using like or as to compare one thing to another. Metaphor - comparing one thing to another without using like or as. Where has Myanosck done this at the end? Unless you are referring to the labelling of homelessness as a disease? To me, citing that as a metaphor demonstrates a lack of understanding of not only the poem, but wider society, as homelessness is commonly referred to as a social disease, and therefore it is difficult to apply metaphoric intent to the line. That aside, form and metre more specific to the feeling? That just makes no sense... Gah..... None of this means I'm all lined up in defense of the poem either. The idea has been written countless times, and this isn't exactly an original exploration of the topic. In most poems of this type, the 'victims' are usually old, wet, sick etc. The observers are usually hurrying through some part of a productive life. At the end of the piece there's usually some mention of guilt. This poem fits that formula well. Truth be told it didn't strike me at all, and not just because of the redundant exploration - the lines need tightening up, the images need a serious refresher course, and the abundant punctation is (to me at least) a distraction. I am, however, a fan of concrete images in poetry, and this is one aspect of your work, Myanocsk, that I think you can build on and already has excellent potential.  K |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This is pretty good. I'd drop the moralizing at the end, perhaps just end with 'head down' or something. Two quick points: I think it's too wordy. Strip it down and make each word work for you.l ' ; h ; ];'p';,l. '/'l;;l;l.,;o.¤Ä,;.¤¿;;¤Ó¤Ó¤Ó¤Ä;¤Ó;¤Ó¤Ó¤Ó¤¿, Well, that second point was my daughter's. I guess I'll let it stand, but Forster says that poverty is unthinkable, I wanted to discuss that in relation to your poem. |
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myanocsk New Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 3 |
the narrative of this is actually a true story. i actually walked over this gentleman every week for almost a year before i ever really looked at him. steve dunn gave me some really good advice once, "write about subjects that touch you." the rythmn needs a bit of work and it needs to flow better. agreed. |
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