Sunday poem #1 - pipTalk Forums

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Another Heather
Member

since 2000-02-17

Posts 93
Canada

0 posted 2000-03-14 01:56 AM

I tried experimenting with the words a little on this one. Let me know what you think.

Sunday morning
Mourning old feelings
Feeling completely alone.
A lone cloud
Clouds my vision,
Visions of you
You let me witness.
Witnesses are scarce,
scarcely present.
Present-day questions
Question my advances.
Advance to tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll be alright.
I'll write of something else,
Elsewhere I'll be.
Be mine just for today,
Today is just for you,
You're my temporary sun,
Sunday please be gone.

"Be yourself... No matter what they say"
- Sting

Mrobi3543
Junior Member

since 2000-03-12

Posts 29
Philadelphia, PA

1 posted 2000-03-14 02:03 AM

I like that...I like how a particular word will lead to a new topic and it all comes back to the beginning in the end...

Jon Mewett
Senior Member

since 2000-03-04

Posts 1304

2 posted 2000-03-14 03:16 AM

Hi
I like this idea a lot.
I've also tried this in the past making the last word of a verse lead to the next topic or verse.

AS I Fall ...........
.....................
..........in my arms

My arms embrace.....

I hope this makes sense?

Good Poem Jon

Gene
Senior Member

since 2000-01-23

Posts 935
Colorado, USA

3 posted 2000-03-14 11:35 AM

Heather,

Very clever, and very well done. I like it a lot.

~Gene

Dennis L. White
Senior Member

since 2000-02-17

Posts 1463
Michigan, U.S.A.

4 posted 2000-03-14 11:37 AM

Dear Heather, This progressive approach is intriguing, it pulls you into the next line with anticipation. Well done! Dennis :^)

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

5 posted 2000-03-14 02:47 PM

I liked it too! I've never seen this done before.....very creative!

Denise

Wikket
Member

since 2000-01-29

Posts 340
Santa Clara, CA USA

6 posted 2000-03-14 09:33 PM

You amaze me Heather, with your constant creativness...*sigh* I wish I had the talent. That's a stupendous (had to use that word) effort! Hip-Hip--HOORAY!!!! --Jamie

Jonas
Senior Member

since 2000-03-03

Posts 796
Oregon

7 posted 2000-03-14 09:38 PM

This is very interesting...I've never seen this before either, but I like it!

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