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Open Poetry #4
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Ice Queen
| Open Poetry #4 |
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Ice Queen |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Extend my hand in friendship, Extend my hand in love. Extend my hand with tenderness, Shine like the stars above. I let you in up to a point, From there no one can pass. A wall is built around my heart, A heart made out of glass. They tell me I am very cold, They say it very crass. They say no warmth can melt the ice, I say your such an ass. I know myself so very well, A loss would take me down. This tired soul can't take the heat, Swamped with love I'd drown. You see, I know I'd really die, A cold and ugly death. If I do choose so wrong again, I'll breathe my final breath. So if Ice Queen is what you really think, Then do it rightly so. Protect myself I always will, I'll let the whole world know. copywrite 1999 M.H. [This message has been edited by Marilyn (edited 11-11-1999).] [This message has been edited by Marilyn (edited 11-11-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Marilyn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Nicely done, Marilyn! ------------------ Denise |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Well Done, loved it! ------------------ What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Excellent Marilyn...And the only way you'd be an ice queen my dear friend is if you moved to the North Pole to marry a king  Hugs [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 11-12-1999).] |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
You go girl!! The only thing icy about you is the ice in your freezer hon!! I and many others know what a generous and caring soul you are. Never doubt it Maz ------------------ Through poetry my heart and soul truly sing... ~Isis~ (Daughter of Mystery) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You would never be an ice queen, Marilyn, not even with your Frigidaire (frigid air)...get it?..uh, frid-....this response will self-destruct in 10 seconds) |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Marilyn, With your warm, caring heart not a person near you could freeze even on the coldest of nights. Great job writing this really enjoyed the read. |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Denise and Dark Angel....Thankyou for your responses. Ruth....Thankyou for your words of encouragement...but last night I was told I was unhealthy because of this wall. (Think a King will have me?..lol) Isis my sister.....You are so very special to me. Thankyou for you kind words. Balladeer....Thankyou for your re...*boom....ashes filter through the air and Marilyn is left with soot on her face and ashes in her hair*...."cough" Lost Dreamer.....Thankyou for that comment. It gets pretty cold up here (and very soon...*sigh*). |
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Star Fairy 2 Member
since 1999-09-06
Posts 260cerritos, california, usa |
wow beautifully put my dear ------------------ Don't Fall.. Rise in Love -------823------- |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
I'm new here, so I hope I'm not out of line. I think you've written a wonderful poem, but I also think that the first two lines of the last stanza need work. I stumble on the meter of the first line of the last stanza, and find the second line ambiguous. These are the types of things my local writers' group would point out. I hate to be so picky, and I'm certainly no expert. I've liked so much of what I've read in here. In so many other places rhyming poetry is dismissed as something shameful. I write both rhyming and non-rhymning poems, and I like both kinds. So a appreciate a place where people are open to all kinds of poetry. You display a good mastery of words and meter. |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Thankyou Star Fairy Ken...May I call you Ken? I appreciate any helpful critique's....I had trouble putting what I really meant there. Best I could do...any suggestions? And thanks for the compliment...I am just learning about meter...lol |
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Mystic Essence Junior Member
since 1999-09-29
Posts 28 |
Wonderful work, I enjoyed this a lot. ------------------ My tears are but a glimpse into the fiery tempest of my soul.~© Althea Willow, 1999~ |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Wonderful Marylin...I know what it is to have my heart walled off......it is a terrible feeling...until I lost it, now I sometimes want it back. **sigh** ------------------ Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices. |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
In re-reading your poem I have to comment on the first stanza. The first three lines create a delightful repetition. And then, just when the reader's mind thinks it knows what to expect, you add an extra syllable to the third line, borrowing it (so to speak) from the fourth line. This is good, since it allows the repetition, yet prevents monotony. In other words, it's a very well written stanza. As for the final staza, this is the best I could do (and again, I'm no expert--just a fellow Ice King): An "Ice Queen" you think I am? Perhaps, but rightly so. Protect myself I always will, And let the whole world know! |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Marilyn, you chilled this one nicely. Frost-bitten ... I wait for the thaw. ------------------ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Mystic Essence....Thankyou. I am glad you enjoyed it. Amy....I have a wall yes.It is for protection and rightly so, I have made bad choices in my life and will not repeat them. Enjoy what you have girl. Know how special it is to find someone who will keep your heart safe. Kenneth. I don't know about the Ice King comment...lol. You have show much warmth and understanding in your responses to me. Thankyou for your ideas. Marge....I am probably one of the warmest people around. I wrote this because of a situation I am dealing with right now. I care but very cautiously. Freindship I can give openly, it is more I have trouble with. |
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