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Despicable Day
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Despicable Day |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
After reading all the wonderful examples post here for this particular workshop, I feel that maybe I wasn't paying attention! Try as I might, I cannot write the passionate and steamy versions here! Romantic? I don't think so, but at least I did manage to get some images in my poem! Despicable Day Though I didn't go looking for trouble, today was especially vile, the sky clouded up and started to cry, like a spoiled, inconsolable child. Tangled in quarrelsome blankets, I tore myself out of my bed and blindly tripped to the bathroom, where the door intercepted my head. Not that it really much mattered on this day, so markedly mean, but my nose soon became a small island, in bright shades of purple and green. Challenged to see a bright side, I noticed it matched quite well, with the black eye beginning to pucker, and a lip that was starting to swell. Downstairs, the coffepot mocked me, as I searched for more Kava in vain, then my skirt got caught in the car door, and I noticed my blouse had a stain. My smile put the sun out of business, but those at the store didn't care, not a single one offered a kind word and even the grocery clerk stared. Then later, while dinner was burning, the washer ate some of our clothes, after a fight, it spit them back up, then the vacuum ran over my toes. A bonfire was raging inside me, today was malicious and cruel, my patience worn like a two-dollar car, I felt myself losing my cool. Then suddenly everywhere rainbows, dancing on all of the walls, and I noticed the sun had relented, deciding to shine after all. I saw you come through the doorway, your eyes, as blue as the sky, wrapping your strong arms around me, your kiss at my neck like a sigh. All at once the day was my best friend, beautiful, perfect and fair, favoring me with a most treasured gift, the answer to all of my prayers! |
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| © Copyright 2001 Deborah L. Carter - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Romy, oh!oh! oh ! I loved this one. I loved the 'quarrelsome blankets' phrase, and I especially loved the way turned it round at the end. Real romance, not just fairy tales and candy floss. Write on Kethry Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen. |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Oh I love this poem! Even despicable days have something good and yours turned out just wonderful!  |
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Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
Romy, This is full of imagery. You make inanimate things come to life. Great job!Gene (formerly, u_gene) |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Oh, I LOVED this! The first part was hilarious, we all have those days. Not everyone has the person who can make the sun come out, though. I'm glad that you do. WONDERFUL imagery!!! Thanks for sharing. "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Suzanne Arlene Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 377Ontario, Canada |
The imagery was so good . That was well written and very funny. I enjoyed it very much good job Suzanne [This message has been edited by Suzanne Arlene (edited 02-14-2001).] |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Thank you so much all of you! I hope that I make a good grade! LOL! Debbie |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
I usuall don't post/reply in here but your poem was so neat! It was awesome. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This is absolutely WONDERFUL!!!.. First of all, you do indeed write about love.. Your day was complete when your true love arrived... That's awesome.. Secondly - Your use of personification is superb... You have several good lines where that works..  One of the best parts, for me at least, is that you diversify on your meter... It's not flawless, but you use anapestic (short-short-long) feet consistently throughout the poem... That's a refreshing change... I love the humorous theme you've incorporated... It's really a fun poem..  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Romy , I can't add too much in praise of this to what's already been said , but what really struck me about this piece is that marvelous sense of humor that shines through it all . Doc |
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