Fair (For Poetic Dreams) - pipTalk Forums

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Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 1999-10-31 02:01 PM

I tried to use your words to create this. I hope that what I did with this still convays your message. This is just to show you how to make you thoughts flow.

I used quatrains (4 line stanza's) and a 9 syllable count per line. The rhyme scheme is a,a,b,b. I choose this because I used your first two lines.

When I was a child, I was abused.
My grandfather made me feels so used.
"No one can know!" his frightening plea.
I remained silent wanting to flea.

Then one day, I had more then enough.
I had to tell someone, call his bluff.
Not so old when I finally told.
Nobody believed me, I was cold.

This toture started when I was 4.
Lasted til 9, five years, felt more.
No one could see inside my heart.
Only innocence would I impart.

Everyone thought that I was quite fine.
Until I brokedown, cry,scream and whine.
My friends thought I was acting quite queer.
They couldn't fathom my deepest fear.

My mind had gone, thinking had fled.
Everything stolen within my bed.
Expressions fled my innocent face.
I could be nothing, such a disgrace.

We went on trial, the media saw.
All went on file, nothing to raw.
Idiots chatted, rumors did spread.
Could people see me? Anyone dread?

STOP!! oh stop! Doesn't anyone see?
The little girl that lives inside me!
You all rob my heart of childhood fun.
A child can laugh and skip, also run.

Finally all evidence given.
The horror of the life I'd been liven.
They found him mentally unstable.
Sentinced him to talk and watch cable.

An institution will be his cage.
This in me, instills total outrage.
He took from me most innocent part.
Raped and mangled this tiny heart.

He stole from me an innocent age.
Childhood, the time when life is a stage.
Memories clouded cause nightmares share.
Tell this sweet child how this is fair?

Systematic Decay
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........

1 posted 1999-10-31 10:12 PM

Marilyn- A wonderful reworking of an already touching poem.

------------------
Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices.

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 1999-10-31 10:16 PM

Thankyou Amy...The meter isn't perfect yet but I had to leave something for Poetic Dreams to try and work out.

Richard 33
Member

since 1999-09-09

Posts 187
glen easton, wv usa

3 posted 1999-11-01 01:32 AM

very, very good Marilyn, you hit the nail right on the head, you go girl, grab that bull by the horns, and show these young soul
what it's all about!!!

Laura Mitchell
Member

since 1999-11-05

Posts 76
Cincinnati OH,45238

4 posted 1999-11-06 10:42 AM

So sad, but written so well.
No, I live in Ohio in the United States. I'm sure there are a lot of Laura Mitchell's.

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

5 posted 1999-11-06 03:40 PM

Richard...thankyou for your enthusiasm...*G*

Laura....This is a poem by Poetic Dreams...her original is posted in this forum. I asked her if she would like some help with her form and if I could give her an example with this piece. She agreed...so this is what I did with her thoughts and feelings. She still has not replied to this...I hope I did her justice.

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