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| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Forever |
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Crystalina123 Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228 |
I told you forever, Forever is what I mean, I told you I loved you, Though love could not be seen. You gave me your heart, I gave you my soul, I was afraid of getting hurt, So I let you go. I told you I was sorry, We were better off as friend, What I wasn't prepared for, Was what happens when it ends. I told you goodbye, Thinking it was the truth, The only thing I did was tell myself a lie, My love for you - none can compare. "The worst of what people do to one another is deceive. Because when you love someone you control their version of reality. If you lie to them that's like making them autistic so that what they believe is reality is in fact, not their true situation at all. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Crystal - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
That's a real nice poem. Nie to ahve someone like that! Salooma |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
I've been in that same situation before. It all works out better in the end. Good job on the poem. It conveyed it's point well without getting to in-depth. P.S. Watch out for typo's (Stanza 3, line 2.) "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
crystalina: this is a beautiful poem, except i dont understand why you break the rhyme scheme on the very last line... you might want to look into fixing that... with a little adjustment i think you'll have a wonderful poem  sincerely, jerome the mysterious priest A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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First__Knight Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678 |
This flows so well....Nice work. I too was confused at the last non rhyme scheme There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead. Drive it like you stole it. |
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Majestic Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 264houston, tx. |
good job of expressing your heart....nice poem... "To live is to love; To truly LOVE is to live!" ~kg~ |
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