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Teen Poetry #2
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For Understanding -- (if this is too morbid, i'll take it off)
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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For Understanding -- (if this is too morbid, i'll take it off) |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
disclaimer: this is my most recent poem... it comes from an IDEA that i had, not desires or struggles, so please dont think i need help with depression or anything... it's written in another voice... hopefully you'll understand my train of thought though... For Understanding What if I with granite lips Would kiss the barrel of a gun? And what if I, with sullen face, Pressed such against your mind? What if I with apricot wrist Made love to razor blade? To sleep -- no more to wake... All for the purpose of understanding. Would they all forget who I am? Would they deem me insane or perhaps They'd claim they knew all along That I was destined to crack? Really I just want to know: Tomorrow would you feel the same To love this querying man Who by daylight would be branded lunatic By a society unmoved? "He always was a little weird." "We should have seen the signs." Would newsmen presume to know me Or to understand my heart and mind? What would they say about me And who would they convince To dehumanize my memory And you... Yes you, sweet child... Would you forget my name? I'd risk it all to answer this: Would you love me still the same? jerome the boy with no brain  p.s. -- if this poem is unsuitable for the teen forum then i'll take it down (or you may feel free to)... just let me know... A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Nights Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 56 |
Hey, i think this poem isn't too morbid, it's real. What i mean is that you're talking about something that really does happen and you wrote about it very well. "It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh it's my mouth that pushes out this breath..."-FTE |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
I think this poem is really good. I mean it targets what most teens go through and states a good question. I like the way you wrote it. It definatly is something to think about. Salooma |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
that is an awsome poem man!! You made it come alive, makes you question what your life's worth and what's it all for. A question i've asked many times. I really enjoyed reading this poem. Have a question for you, where was your mind living when you wrote this? Or in other words, what inspired it? I'd like to know for better understanding, again, nice job "Which is the dream?" SUBMIT YOUR POETRY HERE, AWSOME PAGE. http://members.xoom.com/weeklyhoppy |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
everyone: first of all, thank you for replying (and thank you even more so for replying favorably)... i'm not sure the true intent of this poem is clear, but hopefully i'll be able to give you some insight into it... (hoppy asked for it, so here it comes) my explication of the poem: the poem began with this thought, "if i were to kill myself tonight, would the people i love remember me differently tomorrow?"... it's an interesting idea that i had while pondering a poem about the littleton incident... i thought to myself "you know, if i did that same thing, i bet people (even my parents and closest friends) would start believing that there was something seriously wrong with me... i wonder if they would "remember" things i never did or "quote" things i never said?"... that's what this poem is about... it's a guy (perhaps my inner voice) speaking to the one he loves, asking her if she would be persuaded by the hype and the drama to think differently of him the day after he did something... the idea is set in a frame where the kid is actually considering killing himself just to find out if the ones he loves would turn on him because of that solitary act... suicide "for understanding"... hope that sheds some light on this work... and again, thank you all for responding so kindly sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
I REALLY like this poem, Jerome! I think that everyone has had thoughts about what would happen after their death. Good job!  "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" |
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Singer1981 Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 148Fredonia, NY USA |
Jerome-I really liked this poem. It definitely expresses what too many teens(unfortunately) have to go through. And it's probable true that people around the victims of suicide begin to think that they should have seen it coming...but in a lot of cases, they couldn't have done anything. Anyways...great job once again!!! ~Sarah |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Jerome - I've often asked myself the same question, if i were to kill myself, or someone else, would everyone say that I must have had serious problems, even though I've always been known as a "little lady"? I love the tasteful way you've expressed these thoughts that i know we must all have from time to time. Well done. |
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merely_a_jester Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 67Arkansas... that's all you get |
i've always wondered what the response to that question would be... hmm... i did like the imagery and the word play and i think it is a very expressive poem that had thought behind it... good job... now if only i could get my roommate to find out... *smile* p.s. evil says "hi"  Aspiring to be Gods, if Angels fell, Aspiring to be Angels, Men rebel; Alexander Pope |
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angel6917 Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478WI |
Wow, Jerome! It's a good poem, one I can relate to all too well. Honestly, I've had the thought, and along with that, I've almost had the first-hand experience of finding out how people would react. I learned that sometimes things in life just get worse and worse, but later things always get better. Keep up the good work, and I'll continue to read your poetry. ~Kristi Lynn "Sometimes people care too much. I think it's called love." -Winnie the Pooh |
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sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
I agree with the others...not too morbid..actually a great piece of poetry...congrats again, and congrats on becoming a moderator..  "Superiority to fate is difficult to learn. 'Tis not conferred by any, but possible to earn"--Emily Dickinson-"Superiority of Fate" |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
lovebug: i'm glad you liked it... i'm normally not a "morbid" kind of person though... this poem is very unique to my writings... singer: arigato  lyric: thank you for your kind comments (especially for saying it was "tasteful"... i was worried i might be out of order with this one)... and i'm glad (??) you can identify... jester: leave your roomate out of this... he's a good guy... very suave and GREAT hair *waa haa haa haa* yeah right... angel: i'm glad you liked my piece and i hope that it doesn't "inspire" you to try and find out... i'm hoping this is one of those unanswerable questions... but still interesting to ponder... thank you for your comments and i'm glad (??) that you could identify... scg: thank you, and thank you  sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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jytree Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 336omaha ark usa |
HEY I think that it is to a point I don't know what point but it speaks so its cool |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
jytree: the explaination of the poem is in the 4th post under the poem itself... mabye you'll understand better after you read it... jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Penelope Junior Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 31 |
Disturbing and thought provoking. I really liked this one 'boy with no brain'. Thanks for sharing (and congrats on your new position in the forum). Look foward to reading future poems.-Penny My advice in life is; talk to yourself, you never know what you'll learn. |
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Vincent Spaulding Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 59 |
Jerome-- I have the same problem--everybody assumes that all my poems are autobiographical. It makes it difficult to delve into darker subjects. Once I wrote a poem about a couple with marital problems, so to prevent anyone from reading anything into it, I titled it "Other People's Marriages." People still thought it was about Sonya and I. Regarding the poem. I can really identify with it. If it isn't autobiographical for you, it could have been for me. In my teenage years I wanted to die very badly. I imagined that no one on earth had a more pitiable existence than I. I thought, "When I'm dead I'll show them." Then a kid I knew did kill himself, and all anyone felt for him was pity--and "what a waste." His action didn't show anyone anything. It was just a terrible waste. Great poem. It speaks vividly about an almost universal theme. Depressed people simply don't think clearly. And only a person of unsound mind would wonder what the newmen would say about his death. Unless he was famous, they'd say nothing. Congrats, on becoming a moderator. It sounds like a lot of work--so don't overextend yourself. |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
penelope: ^_^;; i'm not normally "disturbing" in my poetry, but i was bored in english class and this thought was running through my mind *heh*... i'm glad you liked it though... vincent: i'm glad someone else identifies with the problems of writing in another voice  also, i'm very sorry that you had to go through such things as a teen... no one should have to feel that way... i've had a number of very close friends that have often felt that way and it's not easy on them or the ones they are close to... i am glad that you were wise enough to see the flaws in what you were feeling though... the world has gained a great poet and a wonderful (not to mention interesting & unique) individual for it... and i probably wouldn't be nearly as happy as i am if you'd given in (you can probably guess why )... sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Isabelle Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 176Indiana |
Actually this is a very good poem. It touches a subject everyone faces whether it be themselves or a friend. Unfortunatley I can relate to this first hand. I think I have the same problem with everyone thinking my poetry always relates to what is going through my life...when some of the time it's either a song or a friends life that's an inspiration. Anyhow i still like this poem. Keep up the good work. Isa |
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