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Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

0 posted 1999-07-22 08:10 PM

Locked

Our eyes freeze
above her head
your mouth voices
empty words
safe verbal waste
Those blue eyes
scream memory
of intimate breath
and in slow seconds
our nurtured lies
fled

(I miss you...
crashes into air
thick between us)

Impressions of you:
your face
your stance
your stun
as I breathe near you
My rescuing smile
holds the heart scream
before you hear it

Shadow brief;
your passing sun
You're lost
in a cruel swirl
of faces
A freshened memory
lonely echo
a flicker of you

And:
I'm locked
missing you

Sundance
Member

since 1999-07-11

Posts 123

1 posted 1999-07-22 08:32 PM

Interesting, I look forward to more!

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite

since 1999-06-20

Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow

2 posted 1999-07-22 09:59 PM

Excellent, I really liked this.This line really reached me "safe verbal waste" Very interesting.

thursdayschild
Member

since 1999-07-01

Posts 169
Houston, Tx.

3 posted 1999-07-23 12:45 PM

oh, wow, this is beautiful...
great description of seeing an old love
with someone new, and how the memories
come crashing in. you expressed this
moment quite eloquently, great work!

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

4 posted 1999-07-23 01:34 AM

Excellent! You have a way with words! I like this very much.

IsabelleSkye
Member

since 1999-06-27

Posts 253

5 posted 1999-07-23 01:45 AM

I can fully imagine this happening to me. I would be a total wreck! Nice visualization and word choice!
Izzy

------------------
"I would rather sit on a pumpkin, and have it all to myself,
than to be crowded on a velvet cushion."
.....Henry David Thoreau

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

6 posted 1999-07-25 10:27 PM

Thanks so much everyone! Your support means a lot.

poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite

since 1999-07-25

Posts 2646
Arkansas

7 posted 1999-07-25 11:47 PM

This really moved me - I've written a similar poem for a similar situation, and I too, froze. Thanks for your input on my poem "sail away...or not." God knows we'd be SICK of ourselves & eachother if we were happy all the time!! I feel 99% of my strength has come from my "not so thrilling" experiences....your comments mean alot to me - I'm a fan of your work.

------------------
- poet FemmeFatale

"The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

8 posted 1999-07-25 11:53 PM

Thankyou so much, poetFemmeFatale. In my not-very-happy times writing poetry (and prose) has saved me from completely collapsing. I admit I don't write the cheeriest stuff in the world - although recently life's been cool so some of my work is slightly happier! I like your work a lot too and want to read more! ( I just don't get a lot of time on the net, but I'll be searching for your poems when I'm on-line.

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