»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #1
»
Sweet Little Stars
| Open Poetry #1 |
|
Sweet Little Stars |
|
|
Nimrod the Hunter Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 60 |
This is one of my oldest, and foremost, poems to ever be written. Enjoy, and let me know what you think! -------------------------------- Sweet Little Stars Heavenly view of the celestial night, As beautiful as the rest of the cosmos, Delusion to those with young eyes, Such a marvelous sight... Twinkle, twinkle sweet little stars, Marking the empyrean skies our Creator made, As beautiful as the moon's reflection on the ocean At night on clear and vast skies… Away from all lights of the busy world, As amazing as the overlapping waves of the wide blue ocean, Labeling the uncharted territories of the seas… Catchy of the attention of those unsuspecting, Looking at star after star, As if each one of them was important… Wishing they never had to leave, Before they return the next evening, Same as always so sharp, So vivid, hypnotizing, and enchanted, The glory of the belt of the Milky Way, Provoking those who try to grab it… Walling up at us from the bigger side, Which is the side of nature that is yet to be explored, Taking eons for anyone who tries to find it… Sweet little stars, so easy and hard to find, If I had to kiss each one of you, It would probably go on forever… Forever, forever, forever… Moving away from the absolute spot God placed each of you, Even if I can not remember every one of you, I still consider you my friends during and after nightfall, What kept me up at night when I was a kid, Was the presence of my friends, the sweet little stars… Looking at you for hours and hours, Finally made me fall asleep… What I enjoyed seeing the most was… your other pals, the shooting stars… They were amazingly fast, Whenever I tried to snapshot them, I never captured any of them… But I'm glad they're still free, Come back any time you can, shooting stars… Stars, you may always be there, But not the moon… I don't think the poor ol' moon will last very long, I'm glad your light is reliable, My childish dreams of you stars, Will never end. You were like a dove to the sailors, You symbolized a peacemaker, Your light guided them, To land and beyond, Where they kissed every soil their feet touched, You may not know this, But you're a dream come true,… Oh sweet little stars… The End |
||
| © Copyright 1999 Nimrod the Hunter - All Rights Reserved | |||
Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
For some unknown reason, the part about the moon almost made me want to cry (whatever, Elizabeth). I might be weird, but I do like the poem, Nimrod. I think it shows really good insight... |
||
|
Nimrod the Hunter Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 60 |
Thank you, Elizabeth.. I am just returning this to the top to see if anybody else would comment on it. Your reply was one of the greatest compliments I've ever gotten, and so I wanted to thank you for that. Since I wrote it right when I began, I wonder if there's anything still significant about it, and you told me the part about the moon was significant - that's one thing.  |
||
|
Christina Myers Member
since 1999-06-21
Posts 159 |
Nim- love this one... in fact, go spy my entry "Fun With Nursery Rhymes" a few lines down... we quoted the same one such great imagery here...what a great first time!! lol --Christina |
||
|
Krystal Member
since 1999-06-19
Posts 140Shelton,WA USA |
I, too, loved this one. It reminded me of the girl (Ashley Judd) in "Normal Life"... may be a weird thought, but that's just what flashed into my mind as I read this poem. Really well done! ------------------ Shannon D. Montgomery ("Krystal") |
||
|
Moonlight Member
since 1999-06-25
Posts 105Auburn, Alabama USA |
I loved it! I feel like I know exactly what it means... So many nights I've gone outside to just look at the sky and can't tear myself away... Being overwelmed and almost in love with it all. And don't worry Elizabeth - the part about the moon made me a little teary eyed too. ~m o o n l i g h t~ ------------------ www.auburn.edu/~fergum1 ~*Only when it is dark enough can you see the stars*~ |
||
|
doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Ok... where shall I start? First, I think you need to read this poem outloud. When doing so, it's construction is similar to looking at the starts since it's sort of quick statements which take your mind from one thought to the next... similar to how your eyes dart from one place to another in the sky, creating a hypnotizing effect. I also think the way you've written this has a childlike quality of wonder. So, all in all (if you were asking for a critique), the poem is successful. I often write long poems so it might not make sense that I'm saying this to you, but I think you might consider a rewrite in order to shorten this some which I think could make it even more effective. You say this is one of your oldest poems. How long ago did you write this? Just curious. |
||
|
Nimrod the Hunter Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 60 |
Indeed, can't pull yourself away from the night sky, Moonlight? I am not very surprised at that because when I am on college campus, every weekend I walk two miles in pitch black (when there's no moon) to the campfire and there are plenty of stars where the star clusters can be found. And I stay there alone sometimes until 3 a.m., or sometimes I bring a friend with me but that isn't often. I will also start a campfire and sing. Then when I get back to the dorm, I write down the poems while I am hypnotized, to capture the feeling, and like you say, Doreen, I recite it out loud to myself. It sure is a challenge setting fire to a campfire when it is wet outside, and when there's a full moon outside you actually think there are wolves behind the trees. As you have said, Doreen, you said it had a childlike wonder, and I can not ignore that, nor will I change any of it. I challenge myself to keep it exactly that way as if it were a relic of history that I would not want changed in any way. This poem was written six to seven years ago, when I was about to turn thirteen. That means I have been 19 since yesterday. But please don't go crazy over telling me happy birthday! Christina - a great first time is what I needed. Your imagery is great as well, I checked out your poems and really like them. You might be one of my favorite poets on this site after all. Honored to get a response from you. Krystal - nothing's normal for me! It can't ever be a "normal life" for me! *keeps on rambling* [This message has been edited by Nimrod the Hunter (edited 06-27-99).] |
||
|
Sally S. Senior Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 847Ohio |
Just beautiful, Nimrod. You drew me in.....very nice. |
||
|
Krystal Member
since 1999-06-19
Posts 140Shelton,WA USA |
Hahaha.... Nimrod, the movie Normal Life is far from "normal..." but it's very good... Normal isn't for me, either!! How boring!!! :-) ------------------ Shannon D. Montgomery ("Krystal") |
||
|
ac Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 129Cayey, PR - USA |
the night sky has a way of hypnotizing me too...whether i'm in the city or the country or whether the it's the light of the stars or the blinking city lights that iluminate me, i can't help being spellbound by the whole thing...drawn in...and i just allow myself to drown in them...and its those moments that make feel free... |
||
|
doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIMROD!!!! You wrote this at 13? I can't believe it! Fabulous! Do not change a word of it! -dp |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||